Poetry competition CLOSED 31st May 2012 1:09am
WINNER
braggman (Steve Bragg)
braggman (Steve Bragg)
RUNNERS-UP:
opheliac
and lepperochan
TEACH ME - SHOW ME HOW
Anonymous
The people in DUP are fantastic poets...some can explain why, some cannot...but if you want to work in twos to finish off the competition...it will have helped the poet who writes well but cannot explain why and me....who can read poetry books...and get frustrated....Thank you for all the people who submitted so far......
Kitty
Kitty
Got an invitation from a friend of yours who loves you Kitty
I'm not sure if I'm doing this correct, like Christian I'm
pretty clueless myself.
------------------------------------------------------------
These harbringer of filth <-------------- Angry mood
Hacked off our limbs
Burned them to cinder
Ripped off our green hairs
Made it their shelter <--------------- These 4 lines I'm personifying a tree
Edify themselves
*Undubious they're affirm
That we cannot feel <---------------- these 3 lines makes the title
And that poor Fauna
blasphemous, what she went through
whilst they know she can feel <----- these 3 lines form a paradox on the subject
Still they drove a spear into her mouth
and right through her arse
Burned on unforgiving flame
Til it suits their peculiar taste
Juicy or less juicy
They then consume <-------------------- these 5 lines describes what i see as a Tree
*Undubious they're affirm <-------- same sentence to keep the flow
That faunae are food
Given to them by God
Even more bizzare and idiotic
They murder their own
This i cannot make sense of <---------------- I the Tree have already given up
Little do they know
How dark and twisted they are
And that We've already forsaken them
Their souls shall never live on paradise
when their mortality ends. <--------- last verse, hinting that WE trees and animals are God that dictates and judge who belongs to paradise
I'm not sure if I'm doing this correct, like Christian I'm
pretty clueless myself.
------------------------------------------------------------
These harbringer of filth <-------------- Angry mood
Hacked off our limbs
Burned them to cinder
Ripped off our green hairs
Made it their shelter <--------------- These 4 lines I'm personifying a tree
Edify themselves
*Undubious they're affirm
That we cannot feel <---------------- these 3 lines makes the title
And that poor Fauna
blasphemous, what she went through
whilst they know she can feel <----- these 3 lines form a paradox on the subject
Still they drove a spear into her mouth
and right through her arse
Burned on unforgiving flame
Til it suits their peculiar taste
Juicy or less juicy
They then consume <-------------------- these 5 lines describes what i see as a Tree
*Undubious they're affirm <-------- same sentence to keep the flow
That faunae are food
Given to them by God
Even more bizzare and idiotic
They murder their own
This i cannot make sense of <---------------- I the Tree have already given up
Little do they know
How dark and twisted they are
And that We've already forsaken them
Their souls shall never live on paradise
when their mortality ends. <--------- last verse, hinting that WE trees and animals are God that dictates and judge who belongs to paradise
Do you think the thread will live now Miss Kitty!? Behold the collective power of some smart writers lending a hand to help each other... and to explain themselves! Thanks guys. I feel less the fool now. I assume it's still open to anyone,as Kitty said. Let's hear from a few more too. What does it mean??? Break it down. Use Kittie's terms when you can to explain it. PM if you need help. What does your stuff mean to us, and why? Help us see your strange, or personal, or quiet genius. I wanna know what some of your strange things are saying. Come on... a few more brave ones?
Still working on you Christian
Still working on you Christian
somelikeithot said:[quote-90404-opheliac]Writhed
What is it like to hold
in your bare hands
my very existence?
here the existence is personified as a thing that is able to be grasped. In addition to this, existence is personified with a humanly form as it has hands to grasp my existence as if it were a human heart. By asking what is it like to hold my existence I wish to point out how my existence depends upon words. By using 'very' shortly before 'existence' suggests the fact that is a precious element as well as
to point out its singularity and how that affects the second stanza.
A living and breathing
word with its own heartbeat.
In the final stanza I finalise and complete the poem in a cyclical way; by answering the question previously mentioned. Even though I don't actually answer the question of what is it like, i nevertheless answer what existence means to me. Existence is nothing but a concept that cannot be fully grasped,touched, felt, thus is merely a word. I've used once again personification as i personified 'words' to be living and breathing things. aren't they?
you got what I wanted...a short poem and a short explanation
Thank you
oh thank you
[/quote]
Im glad I did as i wasn't very sure of my entry!
What is it like to hold
in your bare hands
my very existence?
here the existence is personified as a thing that is able to be grasped. In addition to this, existence is personified with a humanly form as it has hands to grasp my existence as if it were a human heart. By asking what is it like to hold my existence I wish to point out how my existence depends upon words. By using 'very' shortly before 'existence' suggests the fact that is a precious element as well as
to point out its singularity and how that affects the second stanza.
A living and breathing
word with its own heartbeat.
In the final stanza I finalise and complete the poem in a cyclical way; by answering the question previously mentioned. Even though I don't actually answer the question of what is it like, i nevertheless answer what existence means to me. Existence is nothing but a concept that cannot be fully grasped,touched, felt, thus is merely a word. I've used once again personification as i personified 'words' to be living and breathing things. aren't they?
you got what I wanted...a short poem and a short explanation
Thank you
oh thank you
[/quote] Im glad I did as i wasn't very sure of my entry!
I hesitate to use this poem as an example for many reasons.
One, is because I don't like to use the same poem in more than two comps, and this has been.
Two, because I haven't really perfected it the way I want.
However, I am really straight forward in my writes, and this is the only one I see that can possibly be broken down.
So here goes my very unqualified breakdown.
Shattered Obvious enough name
Shattered. I used the period, because I wanted a stop when reading
an hourglass vase
dropped by his hands
left behind; abandoned
crystal strands
The hour glass vase represents a woman.
Shattered.
on goers look
disgust they conceal
no longer beautiful
no more appeal
She no longer feels desirable. So she thinks that everyone is hiding their disgust of her.
Shattered.
few tried to piece
shredded skin they drew
not wanted again
fragments they threw
She tried to let a few men back into her life, to possibly mend her broken heart, but she couldn't let them in and ended up hurting these men in the process.
Shattered
man stops
carefully he glues
part of it's missing
the heart he pursues
I drop the period here. I am no longer describing the vase as shattered, but now describing a man. So it wouldn't work.
This man takes his time with the vase/woman and carefully starts gluing her pieces back together. He notices that her heart is missing, and realizes that the one who "dropped the vase", still holds it.
Shattered
man seeks
in hands of past
to find the essence
no one's unasked
Again, he is looking for her heart, and is looking in the hands of past owners. He wants to help give her the closure that she didn't get.
Shattered
without luck
he decides to rebuild
a much stronger core
the vase he refilled
He is further shattered when he can't find it, but loves her enough to rebuild her heart, even stronger this time, with his love. He re-fulfilled her life.
Shattered
by its beauty
it's still not enough
he got bored then
played with newer stuff
Once she opened up and became whole again, she became almost too beautiful for him. Too good for him. He still felt inadequate and searched for more to fulfill him. Cheating on her.
Shattered
ignored and neglected
the pieces began to fall
leaks through the cracks
splattered the wall
She is once again shattered, now by his betrayal. The leaks being her tears.
Shattered
once more
no longer cherished
empty and void
the vase finally perished
Unable to take the pain, she ends her life.
So, yeah...simple, but wanted to show my support.
One, is because I don't like to use the same poem in more than two comps, and this has been.
Two, because I haven't really perfected it the way I want.
However, I am really straight forward in my writes, and this is the only one I see that can possibly be broken down.
So here goes my very unqualified breakdown.
Shattered Obvious enough name
Shattered. I used the period, because I wanted a stop when reading
an hourglass vase
dropped by his hands
left behind; abandoned
crystal strands
The hour glass vase represents a woman.
Shattered.
on goers look
disgust they conceal
no longer beautiful
no more appeal
She no longer feels desirable. So she thinks that everyone is hiding their disgust of her.
Shattered.
few tried to piece
shredded skin they drew
not wanted again
fragments they threw
She tried to let a few men back into her life, to possibly mend her broken heart, but she couldn't let them in and ended up hurting these men in the process.
Shattered
man stops
carefully he glues
part of it's missing
the heart he pursues
I drop the period here. I am no longer describing the vase as shattered, but now describing a man. So it wouldn't work.
This man takes his time with the vase/woman and carefully starts gluing her pieces back together. He notices that her heart is missing, and realizes that the one who "dropped the vase", still holds it.
Shattered
man seeks
in hands of past
to find the essence
no one's unasked
Again, he is looking for her heart, and is looking in the hands of past owners. He wants to help give her the closure that she didn't get.
Shattered
without luck
he decides to rebuild
a much stronger core
the vase he refilled
He is further shattered when he can't find it, but loves her enough to rebuild her heart, even stronger this time, with his love. He re-fulfilled her life.
Shattered
by its beauty
it's still not enough
he got bored then
played with newer stuff
Once she opened up and became whole again, she became almost too beautiful for him. Too good for him. He still felt inadequate and searched for more to fulfill him. Cheating on her.
Shattered
ignored and neglected
the pieces began to fall
leaks through the cracks
splattered the wall
She is once again shattered, now by his betrayal. The leaks being her tears.
Shattered
once more
no longer cherished
empty and void
the vase finally perished
Unable to take the pain, she ends her life.
So, yeah...simple, but wanted to show my support.
Anonymous
raorrick said:I hesitate to use this poem as an example for many reasons.
One, is because I don't like to use the same poem in more than two comps, and this has been.
Two, because I haven't really perfected it the way I want.
However, I am really straight forward in my writes, and this is the only one I see that can possibly be broken down.
So here goes my very unqualified breakdown.
Shattered Obvious enough name
Shattered. I used the period, because I wanted a stop when reading
an hourglass vase
dropped by his hands
left behind; abandoned
crystal strands
The hour glass vase represents a woman.
Shattered.
on goers look
disgust they conceal
no longer beautiful
no more appeal
She no longer feels desirable. So she thinks that everyone is hiding their disgust of her.
Shattered.
few tried to piece
shredded skin they drew
not wanted again
fragments they threw
She tried to let a few men back into her life, to possibly mend her broken heart, but she couldn't let them in and ended up hurting these men in the process.
Shattered
man stops
carefully he glues
part of it's missing
the heart he pursues
I drop the period here. I am no longer describing the vase as shattered, but now describing a man. So it wouldn't work.
This man takes his time with the vase/woman and carefully starts gluing her pieces back together. He notices that her heart is missing, and realizes that the one who "dropped the vase", still holds it.
Shattered
man seeks
in hands of past
to find the essence
no one's unasked
Again, he is looking for her heart, and is looking in the hands of past owners. He wants to help give her the closure that she didn't get.
Shattered
without luck
he decides to rebuild
a much stronger core
the vase he refilled
He is further shattered when he can't find it, but loves her enough to rebuild her heart, even stronger this time, with his love. He re-fulfilled her life.
Shattered
by its beauty
it's still not enough
he got bored then
played with newer stuff
Once she opened up and became whole again, she became almost too beautiful for him. Too good for him. He still felt inadequate and searched for more to fulfill him. Cheating on her.
Shattered
ignored and neglected
the pieces began to fall
leaks through the cracks
splattered the wall
She is once again shattered, now by his betrayal. The leaks being her tears.
Shattered
once more
no longer cherished
empty and void
the vase finally perished
Unable to take the pain, she ends her life.
So, yeah...simple, but wanted to show my support.
Rachel - thank you for supporting this competition.
One, is because I don't like to use the same poem in more than two comps, and this has been.
Two, because I haven't really perfected it the way I want.
However, I am really straight forward in my writes, and this is the only one I see that can possibly be broken down.
So here goes my very unqualified breakdown.
Shattered Obvious enough name
Shattered. I used the period, because I wanted a stop when reading
an hourglass vase
dropped by his hands
left behind; abandoned
crystal strands
The hour glass vase represents a woman.
Shattered.
on goers look
disgust they conceal
no longer beautiful
no more appeal
She no longer feels desirable. So she thinks that everyone is hiding their disgust of her.
Shattered.
few tried to piece
shredded skin they drew
not wanted again
fragments they threw
She tried to let a few men back into her life, to possibly mend her broken heart, but she couldn't let them in and ended up hurting these men in the process.
Shattered
man stops
carefully he glues
part of it's missing
the heart he pursues
I drop the period here. I am no longer describing the vase as shattered, but now describing a man. So it wouldn't work.
This man takes his time with the vase/woman and carefully starts gluing her pieces back together. He notices that her heart is missing, and realizes that the one who "dropped the vase", still holds it.
Shattered
man seeks
in hands of past
to find the essence
no one's unasked
Again, he is looking for her heart, and is looking in the hands of past owners. He wants to help give her the closure that she didn't get.
Shattered
without luck
he decides to rebuild
a much stronger core
the vase he refilled
He is further shattered when he can't find it, but loves her enough to rebuild her heart, even stronger this time, with his love. He re-fulfilled her life.
Shattered
by its beauty
it's still not enough
he got bored then
played with newer stuff
Once she opened up and became whole again, she became almost too beautiful for him. Too good for him. He still felt inadequate and searched for more to fulfill him. Cheating on her.
Shattered
ignored and neglected
the pieces began to fall
leaks through the cracks
splattered the wall
She is once again shattered, now by his betrayal. The leaks being her tears.
Shattered
once more
no longer cherished
empty and void
the vase finally perished
Unable to take the pain, she ends her life.
So, yeah...simple, but wanted to show my support.
Rachel - thank you for supporting this competition.
Anonymous
THANK YOU TO ALL WHO COMPETED
Anonymous
Thank you to the following
*******************************
Steve Bragg - poem FOG
Steve Bragg - poem GRAVITY
Poetic devices - Imagism, Personification, Alliteration, Simile, Metaphors, Symbolism, Humor, Chaos Theory (OK for me re physics ),
********************************************
Christian Falco - poem YOUR EYES
You showed good intention
********************************************
Eamon/Lepprocahan - poem WE THE PERSON
You are excellent and I thank you for your contribution
********************************************
Opheliac - poem WRITHED
You did such a good job
********************************************
Jestalessa - poem BHAVA
Your poem was just beautiful
********************************************
Freddwzz - poem THESE HARBRINGERS
Good effort...but the poetic devices were not pointed out
as I would have liked them to be
However, you are a brilliant poet
********************************************
Rachel - poem SHATTERED
You are a very talented poet...but I was looking for
poetic devices. I appreciate you submitting your
poem to this competition just to be a good colleague
_____________________________________________
Winner - Steve Bragg
Honorable Mentions are Opheliac and Eamon
Thank you to every person who posted to this competition
This was a demonstration of a elegant level of talent
and I am grateful to all who participated
Peace
Kitty
Anonymous
braggman said:Hey thanks Kitty. Was it the short one or the long one you preferred, so I can retire it from future comps?
Congrats to Eamon and opheliac.
Steve....it was both....together....and I pointed out how many poetic devices YOU pointed out...I really learned from you.
So as you were my teacher - I thank you for the good lesson!
Kitty
Congrats to Eamon and opheliac.
Steve....it was both....together....and I pointed out how many poetic devices YOU pointed out...I really learned from you.
So as you were my teacher - I thank you for the good lesson!
Kitty
