It still hurts

I Wish I Was...Her

I wish I was  

day and night  
the sparkle in your eyes  
the moon in your sky  

I wish I was  

hot and cold  
the body to your heat  
the arms to keep you warm  

I wish I was  

weak and strong  
unable to feel  
brave enough to admit when its gone  

I wish I was  

Her  

So I could have  

You

A Tazer Won't Phase Her    

I sit in the tunnel
alone and listen
no one is coming
my thoughts are wishful

blue

there's only you .

I don't know why
I come here sometimes
echoeing , falling
I keep on calling

you

there's only you .

Wandering I'm lost
in the frost you frozen
beholden
I'm folding
untold
in the cold
of

you

where are you .

A lazer she sent down
broke my emotions
a tazer won't phase her
no commotion or frown
at all

she'll never crawl

Was it nice
did it feel good
my insides you diced
then you boiled my blood ,
how does it feel
to taste my spleen ,
was I clean enough
for your taste buds ,
distraction
detraction
subtraction love ,
a fraction
or fracture
is all I ever
was

that's all I was  .

Crazy Me , Sane You    

I like crazy
it is my way
clarity , reality
it is too fake  ,
you always want a go
at me
your so perfect
and  now blame free
what you don't get
is I can see
that things aren't what
they seem to be
devoid
of all
responsibility
paranoid
and with the gaul
to try and judge me
but you cannot buy the call
of a bird who's free
there's only you who'll  fall
when your up in a tree
looking down on all the small
that from once you'd feed .

You used to class me
as your mentor
now your nasty
and judgemental .

You cheated the test
that qualify's your fight
your only the best
at living a fat lie
you've a phoney zest
inside a faulse life
with such adamance
at always being right
but you jumped the fence
when things got tight
the pounds the pence
only shine a light
on the shallowness
of your plight  
but at least I can rest
when I sleep each night .



 

She lingered and lingered,
Like blocks her words hit me,
She kept throwing them,
It built a bridge for me.

Now that I've crossed over,

Would you not drag me
Into your world?
Away from the light
In darkness foretold.

I fixed the broken thoughts
And read between the lines,
You broke one more thought
And with you I did dine.

I'm just a soul
Whose intentions are good
It still hurts a bit,
That you misunderstood.

  " It still hurts knowing you took pieces"

It still hurts knowing. every nite when i go sleep,I wont feel you breath.
Laying here lookin at the ceiling ~silenced~ by my own screams.

It still hurts knowing I used to be her,The girl you used to love now im just a illusion of you imagination.
How can you walk around and act so different.

It hurts knowing you play daddy,2 misscarriages when will i have peace and gain my sanity.
I wonder sumtimes do you even care.
You smothered me once and even as i drifted your love had me high.

It hurts to know now im free falling ,and guess what ? YOU THE REASON WHY...

you know i was a better friend then you ever were
i sat and listened while you cryed
i beat you ex silly when he left you
i did every thing for you
but what did you do for me
when i was sad you sat and drew
when my ex left what did you do
i found you two kissing the very next day!
i should be glad now that your gone
but it still hurts
every day
i miss you even though i shouldnt
why?
its stupid
lifes a bitch
the one girl who wont look at me
the one girl who doesnt deserve a friend like me
is the one i miss the most
it hurts
still
every day

Endless Wait

The sky waits and waits to touch the earth
The ocean waits to merge with the sand
The desert awaits a shower of raindrops
The darkness------A ray of light
Looking out of the window
I see u passing by
I await for ur return like day awaits night
I await for you to call
U do so once in a while
But for this moment it feel
Like ive been waiting all my life
I wait for you to smile and brighten my day
I wait for you to touch me to call out my name
I wait for you to take me I ur arms
To make me feel wanted and loved
But somewhere my eye waits to shed a tear
A tear of sadness and despair
For my heart knows that whatever I am waiting for
May be just an endless wait and nothing more

Lost love

He’s all over my life
He’s all over my mind
I was searching him the world over
But how could I find him
But then I realized
He was within me
He had gone so far
Where my eyes couldn’t see
I love him, he loves another
Now no longer does he bother
My feelings for him are minute
Im so disturbed by his attitude
Will he ever change
No why should he
Who am I to him
He as free as a bee
The bee that gentle kissed the flower
Helped it blossom and grow
But when the sweet spring departed
Left it alone to dry in the snow

Hey there stranger you don't call no more
Constantly cried till my tears hit the floor
Left a trail of teardrops leading to my bed
Face in my pillow, memories in my head
The sound of your voice as smooth as velvet
When I first heard you speak my heart almost melted
Now the temperature changed my heart is now frozen
It now resembles a safe that's hard to crack open
Loving you was a crime my love was previously stolen
Just to be given to the one you're now holding
I remember I was the one you've once embraced
I still don't understand how I could possibly be replaced
I'd wish you both the best but I would be lying
I'll get you back one day I won't give up trying
I know you still love me so why you're so defiant?
Your ego is so huge the size of a giant
I got growing up to do to catch up to you
I'm gripping onto faith I know we're not through
It frustrates me when I see you both together
Cold sweats and nightmares plague me more than ever
Promised me I'd be the one you'll love, honor, and protect
Now when I see you I never know what to expect
It's an awkward situation for the both of us
There's so much I want to say but I simply can't discuss
Because that would cause conflict with your significant other
I'd even consider a threesome with you and your lover
Just to be close to you and feel you one more time
The way you used to love me lingers in my mind
It haunts me like a ghost the spirit of my past
I wonder how the hell you can move on so fast
So easily like I didn't even exist
Even though you're missed I'm seriously pissed
That I'm no longer yours how will I endure?
I'm lovesick without you and you're my only cure
Take me back I'm begging you please
What I have to do should I get on my knees?
Because trust me I will and whatever it takes
Numb away my pain erase all my heartaches

Angry
I hold the shards of my happiness
Watching from a shattered window
Glancing at you
So far away

I die every night
The dagger placed so deep in my heart
Tearing at my emotions
Releasing a flow of misery

The world no longer around me
I no longer stay tethered to
Reality

My love is gone
Destroyed
Replaced by nothingness

Floating now
The walls around me
Fall to pieces
Revealing the hell
You left me in

my my my ,the power of a fuck
when will she want to fuck
when will the honesty begin
or will it never end
so why not just fuck
ya wonder why i bother to fuck
but thats the power they have to fuck
i give what i can but comes
from within my heart not from my thing that fucks
not once has she asked to fuck
not once has she gave a present
it just gets gets gets and maybe lets you fuck
how can ya trust that how will it be
that your kids are told things that they shouldnt here
then told to lie there ass off ,but whos to blame
for her to have to do this well guess me
so why do i fuck it cause she fucks the mind
in a devils way so fuck fuck fuck
to love is to fuck my ass
to go through my computer as you pls
and why not the phone as well but dare not show me
your phone or your computer just say maggot cunt
you are a devil and the devil goes to hell
so go get fucked and you will get fucked
with your secrets and your fuckhead chat mates
so just get fucked and watch me fuck tonight
a real fuck that fucks for passion not to fuck the mind getfucked

My pace begins to quicken
My breath starts to lack..
I find myself wishing..
For all the bad memories back..

I'd take all the old ones..
Versus the new..
I'd take them all back
Just because they were with you..

But I am invisible..
It's like I'm not even there..
I bet you don't realize
How much I TRULY care..

Far more than she knows
More than you ever will..
I see you with her..
And let me tell you.. It kills..

I feel these little pains..
Because I know I can't have you back..
But it doesn't matter..
You moved on, when I keep looking back..

It only hurts to miss someone
When they don't miss you at all..
It feels like your Humpty Dumpty
And you just crashed from the wall..

No one can fix you
Or put you together again..
I know by the look..
This is the end..

I thought we'd be together forever

You said you loved me
You made me believe you cared
Then I saw that whore in our bed
The love we had was over and done
So I left you
You left my mind
2 months later
I saw you in the obituary
You left a note for me
You said you tried to call
To apologize
How many times did I let it go to voicemail
How many times did I wish you were dead
Now you are
and I can't get you out of my head
But I will be joining you soon my love
Because you told me we would be together forever

It still hurts to see
you not there by me
when I look over
to reach out for you
To see each day your with him
makes me hurt inside
I just want to think about everything
that has happen with us
thick and thin
But in the end
someone loses
and someone wins
It sill hurts to feel you
still here by my side
even when your not there
All the times we shared
have been ripped apart
threw up in flames
I guess our love
had so much to maintain
now its all down the drain
but what hurts the most
was having our love so close
but broken in the end

Matters Of the Heart  
I remember a time when you loved me
When you listen intently to my every word
There was a time when you would give anything to be with me.
You said my smile brighten your day
My eyes were the path to your peace
My body was your temple, your joy, your bliss.
There was a time when nothing else mattered
But the matters of the heart

I remember when Time stood still,
the Universe smiled while we laid bare under the sun
the afternoon we first made love out in the field.
Simply, purely openly
When you laid across my chest spent
Looking contently into my eyes, smiling
I found my heaven
In the matters of the heart
 
I know I can’t give you what you want  
And I have no more tears to cry
No harsh words to say
No grudges to make
I haven’t fooled myself,
I know now what it was
but I can’t make these feelings stop
Even now watching you with her
I still love you.......In matters of the heart