Addiction

Hey mom, dad guess what...


Hey mom, dad guess what………

See that weed?
It’s laced with coke!
Mommy do you see me?
Do you see me, hear me choke?
Do you see because of you my life is full of smoke?

How about you dad?
Don’t you see?
I’m not the little girl you once had!
Do you really think I care?
I’m killing myself!
I’m dying!
But I don’t give a f***.
As long as I stay flying.
As long as I’m no longer sad.
As long as I’m no longer crying.

And as sad as it may sound
I think it’s destiny to die with a razor and some weed next to me.
Yup that’s me.
Me and my f***ed up reality

The fleeting sensation of sex
with me it does vex
nothing it does me for
except making me a little whore
I would love to see men as other girls see
to see them as a fantasy

Am I the only one
who has fucked every father and son
to love and be loved is something not done
all I know how to do is have fun

Love me love me not
these are things I have sought
kiss me here, lick me there
and touch me everywhere

so this is the thing I am addicted to
I hope one day I will be through
with my addiction to love
for I am not a peaceful dove

Rain, Rain go away..

I crank up the volume
and take another hit,
doesnt take long
for this dark room to be lit.

Dragging through the morning
Choking up at night
cutting deep into my skin
I hold my blade tight.

I want kids when I am older
I want good news to tell
but who tells their childeren
they waited to die in hell?

I'm slowly losing hope
my minds begining to race
looking around not knowing
how i got to this place.

So rain, rain go away
because of you the pain will stay
slit my throat, cut out my heart
leave me here or tear it apart

Keep my secret?


Cutting is an art,
an addiction, you see.
The blade is the drug
and the user is me.

Much better than shooting up,
far faster than pills.
One thing they have in common,
all of them kill.

I sharpen the blade
and bring it to my skin.
The blood starts to flow
and I can feel the high within.

I know i'm not ordinary,
with my gross little secret.
But I trust that all of you,
would keep it?

Bone-Breaking.

This needle in my flesh,
my perfect kind of rush.
Count to seventeen,
hear every cell begin to crush.

Pupils dialate,
heartbeats stutter.
Breathing quickens,
my body shudders.

I'm gasping for air,
in utter happiness.
Praying for the lost soul
who sold me this.

Philosophy strikes me,
with a force light lightning.
Rubber band is off my arm,
the intensity is frightening.

Calming down,
I hold my chest.
Smiling to myself,
because I'm different than the rest.

Oh it's so not addiction sweety,
when your this damned good
at it

granted, it is a grand romance
but the obsession
lies beyond the bottle

and should you like the lady
lighter and looser
on footing
and tread pathway
always allow the women her drink

should the drink become a fountain
and the unmade face not greet morning
and its' birds with song
prepare a line of ephedra darling
and watch your ballerina twirl

my doctor prescribes me
a route towards wellness
and I am so diligent
towards my health of course,
that I require second
third and fourth
opinions,
to make damn well sure

Sometimes I'd wonder
if I was myself anymore.
"I guess I'm not,
but you make that okay.
Don't you?
You make the world numb,
sweet pills and alcohol.
You make this all
okay."

Sometimes I'd wonder
if I was losing myself,
getting lost
in you.
"But that's alright
because without you I am just
a broken girl
crying
lying
dying
sighing
you make it okay."

I remember those days
before I was sober,
like I am now.
Those days where I couldn't
imagine
a day without you in me
near me
searing me
making me fear being without you.

I remember the days where
I'd only laugh to make you
all go silent
so I could consume
what I wanted,
thought I needed.
Sorry for that, I just wasn't
myself
was I?

I'm done now
I'm free of that
that constant need
of hungering that
pill and that liquid so warm
so much pain
that left a stain
brought the rain
in my heart.

I'm myself once more
alone and happy about it
even though I feel
and cry and smile and
all those emotions.
I am myself.
Myself.
I don't need you,
won't need you,
won't seek you out
like I once did.
Now, I am myself
myself
happily and truly
myself and me alone.
You are nothing
but a memory
don't control me
not anymore.

I am myself
and I don't
Won't
and will never
need you again.