Dear Loved One

 
The last time I saw you breathing
Paralyzed from waist down
On hospital bed, vulnerable

I wanted your recognition
But you hugged the younger
Acknowledging your paternity

Our next meeting, you slept
As I faced a gauntlet
Of knees and sniping mouths

You lay in a wood box
So motionless
Creeping realization darkened
My five year old heart

I tried to keep you alive
Setting my eyes to follow your aims
"You will never be a race car driver!" mom screamed
Punctuating the rebuttal with a hard slap

"Ashes to ashes," I heard
The impact of hand on face
A hammer driving in coffin nails.

I tried in desperation to cling to something
My mind grasped at music you enjoyed
"I want to be a singer, like Glen Campbell"
The rebuttal - a shrill "No!"
That echoed in my head as "Dust to Dust"

Her eyes filled with bitter tears
And her heavy hands dug into me
With the force of a shovel wedging ground
And I saw the coffin, now lowered
Disappearing beneath spades
Of dark earth