Dear, 20 yr old me

 
You don’t want this hurt
The wounds, they will run deep
And though they’ll heal you’ll still feel a burn
Knowing you’ve earned every one of them
For every serious loss, for every little feat

When I look at these scars
I remember all the spars
But you, you’ll question your faith and all that you believe
And yet time, for the time being, is on your side
Listen to your gut feeling
Before you leap looking for that reprieve

But I know that won’t be the case
At the moment, your heart is full of passion and lust
Lost in a list of names and flames that won’t last
Lest you forget
The ones that seemed so sweet
Will turn out to the most perilous

Yes I know you won’t listen to this advice
You want what’s exciting, what’s thrilling, what’s new
And when you’ve had your fill
You’ll try to go back to that safe haven
In the lion’s den…if you only knew

That’s OK
One way or another you’re going to have to learn
It’s the lesson you need in life
It will take you on a journey
Through on a razor’s edge
Though you won’t bite the bullet
You’ll prefer the knife

Please listen to your intuition
The familiar feeling you’ve often cast
I am your voice in a time machine of the future
And you are the memory of my youth
The ghost of my past

To the girl I once was,
This letter is meant for you.

There are things I wish I’d known back then,
but this isn’t to shame or scold you.

The past may seem distant, but it’s closer than it feels,
We did our best with what we had, and what we knew.
The only difference between us now?
Time—I’ve had more of it to see things through.

Life isn’t as straightforward as we once believed.
Remember how we thought a few well-placed prayers would guarantee us everything we dreamed of?

Remember the rules we made, the lines we drew,
for ourselves and others too
We thought we understood it all,
but now I see how much we missed.
I’m sorry for the words I said, the things I thought I deserved—
Safety, security, a place to call home.

I claimed them as my right, without seeing
how others struggled just to survive.
I used to think handouts only hurt,
that systems could be fixed with words alone.

To the girl I once was,
You’re going to take the scenic route through life.
And there’s nothing you could ever do or say
to separate you from the love of the One who made you exactly as you were meant to be.

You’ll find Him in places you never expected,
In faces and hearts you once overlooked.
So go—reach out to the mothers who grieve,
To those who hunger, both in body and soul.
Stand with the oppressed, cry out for justice,
And walk alongside those who’ve suffered long.
Sit at every table, share a meal with those you once avoided,
And dance to the rhythm of life, even when the song is unfamiliar.
Cry with the women who’ve lost,
and honor those who still fight for freedom’s cause.

You didn’t learn this overnight,
So keep asking questions.

The world told me to reach for the skies
And I wanted to once
I am nearing my forties now
And I live much closer to the ground these days

Dear younger self

I know you want to change everything
And you want it done tomorrow
But you can not use a sledge hammer
To shape little pieces of diamond

For that is what we all are
We are all fragile and must be shaped with care
If you would change something, my friend
You must proceed carefully and slowly

I realize this is hard for you
For carefully and slowly are not the nature of youth
But look at mountains
Look at the sea
Look at how nature changes

Things which change slowly last

So you have a choice
You can charge ahead
Make a drastic change
And then likely see it fall apart after a short while

They might even praise you for it
But you will not have truly changed anything

Or you can change things slowly and gently
They will not praise you for this
And it will not give you pictures to post on Instagram

But at the end of the process the world will be a little better

To really change something
Or to just pretend for the sake of the spotlight

You have a choice