Silly Drinking Poems

I think Jill, by now, has got my measure
of how I spirit away time and cash,
scolded for taking a drink at leisure
then get a taste of her tongue, like a lash.
 
Though it's a rum do I nod and agree
although it does so go against the grain,
but there, bottles, for all the world to see
an' me the tipsy culprit once again.
 
My corker of a plea ' wet the tot's head?'
spirited her not a bit same as before,
but I keep mild no bitter whining gets said
just bottle up because Jill knows the score.
 
For I take no offence, bear no ill will
For to cap it all I still need my gill.

Silly, silly,
silly,
silly drinking,
wiener shrinking..

Wobbling
weak and
simping

Staggered,
limping,
haggard, drifting,
flagrantly sinking,
a maggot whimpering

Hair shaggy,
skin
pimpling

I'm sauced,
daggers trickling
out of tears trickling
onto crippled moths tricked
into signing up for flying me to Heaven,
now too soggy to walk

and alcohol dismisses em all,

those wet, poured upon moths,
blisters and bees,
weeds and the trees
Fuck em, sauced I trickle

Oh the bar is officially open
come on in because everyone's hopin'
that the pints will flow more
than a seasoned street whore
as we all give a toast to the day.

Hi, Ho !  
Come on, let's go--
break out the whiskey and rye
and we hope accolades
don't become hand grenades
and someone gets punched in the eye!

Hey bar-keep, come pour me another
beer to salute my young brother
who rolled in the grass
with a fine looking lass
and their babe is now well on its way.

Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
roaring and dancing the jig;
We'll all sing along
to the Irish Bar Song
way past drunk to give much of a fig!

Well now the clock's chiming eleven,
and we opened our bottles 'fore seven
let's keep the rounds going
while our spirits are growing
and soaring right up to the sky.

Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
the night is still younger than me;
we'll pour back some more
'til we land on the floor
knee-slapping and laughing with glee!

In drunken haze, I stumbled home,
A lonely soul, feeling so alone.
I cut my dick off, booze-fueled spree,
Or maybe my wife’s wrath set it free.

Memories twist, shadows blur,
Pain throbs where reason stirred.
In bed, I woke, a crimson pool,
A nightmare real, my mind a fool.

Morning's light revealed my plight,
A severed piece, lost to the night.
A scream, a gasp, a heart in fright,
Blood-soaked sheets, a ghastly sight.

Regret and fear, sharp and tight,
Confusion reigns in morning light.
To heal, to find, to understand,
In sober dawn, I search, I scan.

Pain and horror, intertwined,
A fractured soul, a shattered mind.
To piece together, seek the truth,
In sober dawn, I trace my youth.

Here's to us, A lovely bunch we are
All celebrating at the local shit hole bar

With every beer imaginable, domestics far and near
I don't care whats on tap, I would love a shot and a beer

A pint of Stout here please, I'm not a girl of the light
Darkness rules for me, even when out for the night

Be it straight up whiskey, a car bomb or two
I like to keep it simple, I fancy nothing new

So here's to all of you, the bartender and me
A bunch of fucking drunks, we're a sight to see

We try not to be crazy, or fucking say fuck
If you cant handle our asses, that's your shit luck

Staggering a little, it may be time to go
Last call for the wasted, this is the end of our show

Ill call a cab for I refuse to drink and drive
Good night asshats, until we meet up at the next smelly dive...

Alcho-pops where are you?    
that’s it, come on  
don’t be shy.    
Now get over there    
in front of the lager.    
    
Everyone else,    
I said everyone else!    
listen.    
My Intel has confirmed a teenage party    
so I don't want any mistakes.    
   
Alcho-pops you're in first    
and you don't stand a chance    
so make your peace with    
the Blue nun before you go.    
   
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,    
the rest, in the fridge.    
Cherries take the night off.    
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up    
   
Vodka, label front, please try and last the night.    
Orange and Blackcurrant    
give yourself a wipe, it’s been a while    
but if vodka goes you need to go with him,    
I need you in the mix.    
   
Babycham it could be a rough night my love    
but whatever happens try to reach the nose.    
Boxed wines, boxed wines over here now.    
Get in line and taps out.    
White, if red gets spilt, try to get on top,    
less carpet damage and    
we should be able to get you both out.    
   
Twelve year old Malt, hold the rear,    
I won’t sacrifice my best on this rabble.    
Now Bells you need to go first, followed by,    
all though it breaks my heart, Glen Fiddich    
Lads if you both go, give em hell    
so they won’t come back for Malt.    
   
Snowball, not a chance in hell    
but be ready just in case.    
Eggnog you have to be the    
dumbest drink I have    
but you do look like custard    
so try to make em puke.    
   
Gin, what are you laughing at.    
Nothing sir.    
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly    
and you taste like frikin perfume,    
get out of my sight before I go blind.    
   
   
Sshh....sshh    
Everyone be quiet, here they come.    
Lagers look lively, sixes not fours.    
   
Shit straight for the cabinet.    
Little bastard put me down,    
put me down, what did you call me?    
Fuckin JD its Mr Frikin Daniels to you    
you, spot faced little shit.    
   
Come on then let’s have it    
two shots, try me.    
I'll rip yer throat out,
I'll singe your spleen, come on then,    
lets see what yer made of,    
just, you, me    
and my friend Mr glass.    
   
Wait, what, what’s that    
Frikin Coke, drink me like a man    
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel    
and ice, in a tall glass, whhhyyy!!!.    
   
That’s right swill me round    
showin off to your mates    
all watered down.    
   
To start a war with JD    
be sure you can hold my dead    
I'll bring the violent    
you carry the sick.