20 words
Anonymous
Thank you for your entry The_Silly_Sibyl. Excellent stuff 😄
Valeriyabeyond
Dhyana
Forum Posts: 2668
Dhyana
Dangerous Mind
3
Joined 3rd May 2020 Forum Posts: 2668
Shadows of Dahlia
*
please don't make promises
they are foul lies
seek validity in shades of pastel
bringing life to a stale breeze
**
Race with me to the top
of the purple mountain
where vibrant green
alluvial patches look like us
only happy
***
Voices spill platinum tears
dusting my path,
I watch them rise as stars
touching the night with
soft cradled peace
please don't make promises
they are foul lies
seek validity in shades of pastel
bringing life to a stale breeze
**
Race with me to the top
of the purple mountain
where vibrant green
alluvial patches look like us
only happy
***
Voices spill platinum tears
dusting my path,
I watch them rise as stars
touching the night with
soft cradled peace
Written by Valeriyabeyond
(Dhyana)
Go To Page
Anonymous
Shadows of Dahlia
*
please don't make promises
they are foul lies
seek validity in shades of pastel
bringing life to a stale breeze
**
Race with me to the top
of the purple mountain
where vibrant green
alluvial patches look like us
only happy
***
Voices spill platinum tears
dusting my path,
I watch them rise as stars
touching the night with
soft cradled peace
please don't make promises
they are foul lies
seek validity in shades of pastel
bringing life to a stale breeze
**
Race with me to the top
of the purple mountain
where vibrant green
alluvial patches look like us
only happy
***
Voices spill platinum tears
dusting my path,
I watch them rise as stars
touching the night with
soft cradled peace
Written by Valeriyabeyond
(Dhyana)
Go To Page
Valeriyabeyond said:
Hello Valeriya. Thank you for your entry, but your last piece has 21 words. Just wanted to give you a little chance to change it 😉
Hello Valeriya. Thank you for your entry, but your last piece has 21 words. Just wanted to give you a little chance to change it 😉
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
Thank you for your entry Insiderew. Lovely stuff :)
Bluevelvete
Forum Posts: 2349
Tyrant of Words
74
Joined 21st July 2020Forum Posts: 2349
semblances of a love poem ~ [vignettes of a side story]
#1.
caressing of my cheek
with the back of his hand,
pressing in tightly
lips to lips,
a
perfect
first
kiss
#2.
his
cadence
of authority,
the kind
oozing
nothing
but confident
sultry,
timbre'd in
pure sex,
whispers—
"Don't fall in love."
#3.
wiping away tears
as the tiniest
smile remains
'I. hear. you.'
echos through
the trees
s a i l i n g
to find you...there
Written by Bluevelvete
Go To Page
LRC
LaTessa
Joined 27th Dec 2020
Forum Posts: 1
LaTessa
Lost Thinker
Forum Posts: 1
You
*
You take it all;
Giving nothing in return.
I look in the mirror and think,
When will I ever learn?
**
You take me in your arms;
Squeezing till I can no longer see.
You will be the death of me.
***
I have to break away
While I still have a chance.
If I don’t;
This will be my last romance.
You take it all;
Giving nothing in return.
I look in the mirror and think,
When will I ever learn?
**
You take me in your arms;
Squeezing till I can no longer see.
You will be the death of me.
***
I have to break away
While I still have a chance.
If I don’t;
This will be my last romance.
Written by LRC
(LaTessa)
Go To Page
takis1917
Forum Posts: 133
Fire of Insight
6
Joined 6th Aug 2017Forum Posts: 133
Maria's Life In Sixty...
I
Reading of her will.
Short, exact, to the point.
Some kitchen utensils
frozen chicken
pack of spaghetti
tomato paste can...
II
Rain.
Wet.
Enters bar.
Hit and miss regular
asks
what would her legacy be.
Perplexed, befuddled "Huh?"
escapes her lips...
III
Birth in hospital.
Mother pushes and screams...
Out she comes
bloody,
wondering what for?
Doctor cuts umbilical cord.
She sighs...
Reading of her will.
Short, exact, to the point.
Some kitchen utensils
frozen chicken
pack of spaghetti
tomato paste can...
II
Rain.
Wet.
Enters bar.
Hit and miss regular
asks
what would her legacy be.
Perplexed, befuddled "Huh?"
escapes her lips...
III
Birth in hospital.
Mother pushes and screams...
Out she comes
bloody,
wondering what for?
Doctor cuts umbilical cord.
She sighs...
Written by takis1917
Go To Page
eswaller
Forum Posts: 764
Dangerous Mind
31
Joined 22nd Dec 2015Forum Posts: 764
Love That Conquers All
i.
People warned me all
about you but I chose
not to listen to them as
they do not know you.
ii.
There is something
about you that gets
into my bones as you
know the secrets I
hold until my breath
iii.
People warned me
not to get attached,
but as you know my
secrets you also know
my love so deeply.
People warned me all
about you but I chose
not to listen to them as
they do not know you.
ii.
There is something
about you that gets
into my bones as you
know the secrets I
hold until my breath
iii.
People warned me
not to get attached,
but as you know my
secrets you also know
my love so deeply.
Written by eswaller
Go To Page
Razzerleaf
Forum Posts: 525
Fire of Insight
27
Joined 15th Sep 2019 Forum Posts: 525
Three reasons to leave
I
I seem to be so alone,
talk brings nothing new,
we're only drifting through
some old emotions, me and you.
II
Listen to the empty house,
melancholy papers over fears ,
folds it deep in wasted years,
apathy that each room hears.
III
To drown, I slump in bars,
no thought or loss,
or blood I've coughed,
this time the head comes off.
I seem to be so alone,
talk brings nothing new,
we're only drifting through
some old emotions, me and you.
II
Listen to the empty house,
melancholy papers over fears ,
folds it deep in wasted years,
apathy that each room hears.
III
To drown, I slump in bars,
no thought or loss,
or blood I've coughed,
this time the head comes off.
Written by Razzerleaf
Go To Page
Anonymous
Judging Notes
Lepperochan: I liked how each piece held a really lovely narrative to them. It was the observational quality that shined out most of all in these three pieces. I pondered the meaning of the separations and what they referred to for some time, and wondered if it may have been a look to the left, a look to the right and then finally staying in one place. There were so many aspects to think about with this piece and I think it was a very worthy entry.
Magdalena: The first offering much like Lepp above here, had this great observational quality to the three pieces. Coming together as a whole really blended the three together and they worked as a whole piece. You seemed to embrace other aspects to your entry - the audible adds another dimension to the writing that stretches beyond the 20 allocated words. The second entry was a lot more direct and totally different to the first. I loved how each part started with the word "don't" showing that nobody has the right to define your life. Loved the spoken word aspect too. Thank you so much for your entry.
BlueVelvete: I really appreciated the formatting that you have offered in all of your pieces. It added this beautiful edge of separate thoughts that flowed through all of the separate pieces. There was also a really nice progression of time from the beginning to the end which is something that many of the other entries didn't have. This offering felt really personal to you and that really worked in its favour.
Your second entry had this beautiful sultry quality to the words and really embraces the skill of brevity, and how much can be said with few words. It combined skills of formatting with your unique voice to produce something truly memorable.
Really beautiful entry this. Thank you so much.
AspergerPoet56: It was interesting to see how the three pieces combined into almost a continuation of each other which I really liked. Choosing one theme throughout is sometimes hard to do in three separate pieces, but yours was effortless. These were well written and displayed a great grasp of brevity throughout.
Your second entry was an observational piece of gold when dealing with current events. I loved how they felt as if you were using the piece to try and absorb what was going on around you, or in the poems case, the world. Thank you so much for your entry.
InsideRew: This entry was a lot more introspective compared to some of the other entries, and I have to say it really worked for the piece as a whole. I liked how this not only explores the mind, but the process of the writer as a whole. The last stanza I think was perhaps the weakest in terms of flow. That being said as an entirety I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your entry.
Second entry: author has removed.
MadameLavender: Ah, I was waiting for at least 1 political entry and here it is! I think i liked the vitriol in this piece. Makes a good visual point of focus with the strike throughs. I liked the questions asked throughout and that element of dark humour throughout. Thank you for your entry into this contest.
Grace: Your two entries show tremendous emotion and I think this is the defining factor that marries your two pieces together. I liked that the separations were hashtags, as if they describe separate thoughts and separate memories. I really loved that - how each piece is used to capture a moment in time. Thank you so much for both of these incredible entries.
Zazzles: Author has removed the entry.
Cloventongue89: The descriptions in this were absolutely beautiful and I loved how they all connected to each other. I think you've really embraced the philosophy of short pieces in that every word must work for the story, as there are so few words involved.
The second entry I feel wasn't as impressive as the first, if I was to compare them. That being said, the descriptions were still strong within this piece and that really worked in favour for the piece. I really enjoyed these entries, thank you so much.
Eswaller: I really liked the expression of love that was delivered throughout the piece as a whole. There's this fantastic level of joy that exists within the piece, and I really liked the light-hearted feel to this entry, which is something that was unique in this contest to this entry.
The second entry seemed very similar to the first in terms of theme and formatting, so I think I would be repeating myself if I added further comment.
Thank you for your entry into this contest.
The_Silly_Sibyl: I think you've really explored how punctuation can make a difference in a short piece. The second part really reminded me of "stop all the clocks" and how that rhyming rhythm punches that through the silence of the first piece. Beautiful. The second piece did only have 19 words however, and I did have to take that into account in terms of the rules. Thank you for your entry, I really loved it.
ValeriyaBeyond: The second part was definitely my favourite. I loved the formatting of the lines, and how the emotion is delivered. or example "look like us... only happy" - I thought that was beautiful. I liked the stripped back approach in terms of punctuation and that works for this piece very much. Thank you for your entry, I thought this was a highlight of the contest.
LRC: I liked the introspection in this and how it was reflective of you. I think I would have liked to see a little more in terms of setting the story, however that's just personal preference when comparing to some of the other entries. Thank you so much your entry into this contest.
Takis1917: I loved the abstract nature of this entry. It captures a moment so perfectly and really uses every word in the stanza to deliver a moment. It was clearly three separate moments, but each one felt so different. It was punchy and observational in a quiet sort of way. Really loved it, thank you.
Razzerleaf: This piece definitely felt like one continuous piece rather than 3 separate ones, despite the title. That being said I loved how this piece explored a singular thought and as a theme, I thought this was reflected very well in the construction of the piece as a whole. Thank you for your entry.
First place: Magdalena
Second place: Takis1917
Third Place: Lepperochan
Honourable mentions: BlueVelvete, AspergerPoet56, and Valeriya. There really was nothing but the width of a hair between you.
Thank you so much for your entries into this contest. It was great to read such a high calibre of entries!
Until next time x
Lepperochan: I liked how each piece held a really lovely narrative to them. It was the observational quality that shined out most of all in these three pieces. I pondered the meaning of the separations and what they referred to for some time, and wondered if it may have been a look to the left, a look to the right and then finally staying in one place. There were so many aspects to think about with this piece and I think it was a very worthy entry.
Magdalena: The first offering much like Lepp above here, had this great observational quality to the three pieces. Coming together as a whole really blended the three together and they worked as a whole piece. You seemed to embrace other aspects to your entry - the audible adds another dimension to the writing that stretches beyond the 20 allocated words. The second entry was a lot more direct and totally different to the first. I loved how each part started with the word "don't" showing that nobody has the right to define your life. Loved the spoken word aspect too. Thank you so much for your entry.
BlueVelvete: I really appreciated the formatting that you have offered in all of your pieces. It added this beautiful edge of separate thoughts that flowed through all of the separate pieces. There was also a really nice progression of time from the beginning to the end which is something that many of the other entries didn't have. This offering felt really personal to you and that really worked in its favour.
Your second entry had this beautiful sultry quality to the words and really embraces the skill of brevity, and how much can be said with few words. It combined skills of formatting with your unique voice to produce something truly memorable.
Really beautiful entry this. Thank you so much.
AspergerPoet56: It was interesting to see how the three pieces combined into almost a continuation of each other which I really liked. Choosing one theme throughout is sometimes hard to do in three separate pieces, but yours was effortless. These were well written and displayed a great grasp of brevity throughout.
Your second entry was an observational piece of gold when dealing with current events. I loved how they felt as if you were using the piece to try and absorb what was going on around you, or in the poems case, the world. Thank you so much for your entry.
InsideRew: This entry was a lot more introspective compared to some of the other entries, and I have to say it really worked for the piece as a whole. I liked how this not only explores the mind, but the process of the writer as a whole. The last stanza I think was perhaps the weakest in terms of flow. That being said as an entirety I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your entry.
Second entry: author has removed.
MadameLavender: Ah, I was waiting for at least 1 political entry and here it is! I think i liked the vitriol in this piece. Makes a good visual point of focus with the strike throughs. I liked the questions asked throughout and that element of dark humour throughout. Thank you for your entry into this contest.
Grace: Your two entries show tremendous emotion and I think this is the defining factor that marries your two pieces together. I liked that the separations were hashtags, as if they describe separate thoughts and separate memories. I really loved that - how each piece is used to capture a moment in time. Thank you so much for both of these incredible entries.
Zazzles: Author has removed the entry.
Cloventongue89: The descriptions in this were absolutely beautiful and I loved how they all connected to each other. I think you've really embraced the philosophy of short pieces in that every word must work for the story, as there are so few words involved.
The second entry I feel wasn't as impressive as the first, if I was to compare them. That being said, the descriptions were still strong within this piece and that really worked in favour for the piece. I really enjoyed these entries, thank you so much.
Eswaller: I really liked the expression of love that was delivered throughout the piece as a whole. There's this fantastic level of joy that exists within the piece, and I really liked the light-hearted feel to this entry, which is something that was unique in this contest to this entry.
The second entry seemed very similar to the first in terms of theme and formatting, so I think I would be repeating myself if I added further comment.
Thank you for your entry into this contest.
The_Silly_Sibyl: I think you've really explored how punctuation can make a difference in a short piece. The second part really reminded me of "stop all the clocks" and how that rhyming rhythm punches that through the silence of the first piece. Beautiful. The second piece did only have 19 words however, and I did have to take that into account in terms of the rules. Thank you for your entry, I really loved it.
ValeriyaBeyond: The second part was definitely my favourite. I loved the formatting of the lines, and how the emotion is delivered. or example "look like us... only happy" - I thought that was beautiful. I liked the stripped back approach in terms of punctuation and that works for this piece very much. Thank you for your entry, I thought this was a highlight of the contest.
LRC: I liked the introspection in this and how it was reflective of you. I think I would have liked to see a little more in terms of setting the story, however that's just personal preference when comparing to some of the other entries. Thank you so much your entry into this contest.
Takis1917: I loved the abstract nature of this entry. It captures a moment so perfectly and really uses every word in the stanza to deliver a moment. It was clearly three separate moments, but each one felt so different. It was punchy and observational in a quiet sort of way. Really loved it, thank you.
Razzerleaf: This piece definitely felt like one continuous piece rather than 3 separate ones, despite the title. That being said I loved how this piece explored a singular thought and as a theme, I thought this was reflected very well in the construction of the piece as a whole. Thank you for your entry.
First place: Magdalena
Second place: Takis1917
Third Place: Lepperochan
Honourable mentions: BlueVelvete, AspergerPoet56, and Valeriya. There really was nothing but the width of a hair between you.
Thank you so much for your entries into this contest. It was great to read such a high calibre of entries!
Until next time x
lepperochan
Craic-Dealer
Forum Posts: 14570
Craic-Dealer
Guardian of Shadows
67
Joined 1st Apr 2011Forum Posts: 14570
Hullo
Wow, first time I e won antin in ages. I'd like to thank god for makin Mary preggers (#hertoo) and subsequently giving us all baby jesus
I'd like to thank random people all over the world. and especially people who sont even know I exist
Lastly, I'd like to thank myself for being the dog's bollox
and of course our beautiful host :),
edit: ok just noticed I came second. ...fuck you all I'm going home
Well done Magda
Wow, first time I e won antin in ages. I'd like to thank god for makin Mary preggers (#hertoo) and subsequently giving us all baby jesus
I'd like to thank random people all over the world. and especially people who sont even know I exist
Lastly, I'd like to thank myself for being the dog's bollox
and of course our beautiful host :),
edit: ok just noticed I came second. ...fuck you all I'm going home
Well done Magda
anna_grin
ANNAN
Forum Posts: 3367
ANNAN
Dangerous Mind
15
Joined 24th Mar 2013Forum Posts: 3367
you really do host some corkers missy. if i didn't have a perfect score of 13 that i foolishly hang on to, or if i thought i could compete against what i saw unfold here, to be more accurate, i might have given it a shot. oh well, perhaps next time x