Poetry competition CLOSED 16th December 2020 2:03pm
WINNER
Anonymous
Anonymous
RUNNERS-UP:
Eerie
and Bluevelvete
A Watch is just a Watch
African Drum
Oak and goatskin drum.
Given me by my mother.
Hangs in my old room.
Given me by my mother.
Hangs in my old room.
Written by The_Silly_Sibyl
(Jack Thomas)
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Where's my fucking nuts
Where's my fucking Nuts?
My hand grabs a bundle of denim
looking for the Easter eggs there within 'em
I swear, I know. there in my underwear
somewhere down below
bound up there in the down frowning
from the snow falling on my blue balls frowning
like raisins for all the wrong reasons
and counting the end of new year's balls falling
at last call for alcohol and loose sluts
let me know where the fuck, are my nuts
My hand grabs a bundle of denim
looking for the Easter eggs there within 'em
I swear, I know. there in my underwear
somewhere down below
bound up there in the down frowning
from the snow falling on my blue balls frowning
like raisins for all the wrong reasons
and counting the end of new year's balls falling
at last call for alcohol and loose sluts
let me know where the fuck, are my nuts
Written by archie23
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sun and weather battered
your faded star never mattered
no crown no turban
yet you my pride urban
decades old more valued than gold
my dear hat tattered
.
no crown no turban
yet you my pride urban
decades old more valued than gold
my dear hat tattered
.
Written by cold_fusion
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Thank you all so much for your entries! I loved them! Most were exactly what I was looking for. So thank you for indulging my love of short form poetry and writing some for me!
Congrats to Wilberfloss, Eerie, and Bluevelvete. You three made the top spots hard to choose between.
LunaGreyHawk – This is one of those pieces where I’m reading and enjoying the very descriptive imagery, but then I’m WRECKED by the last couple of lines. You do that well here. Seriously, I want to steal the lines “given when our love was still a thing I’d swear by.” Jesus, Luna!
Wilberfloss – To My Father’s Watch: This is mostly a solid write. I like how it feels almost urgent with your word choices and then kind of slows down and stops towards the end. I say mostly a solid write because I think you could have made it smoother. When I read it out loud, I trip up in a few places. But you stuck with the word count and brief. Well done!
***A Little China Dinosaur – This piece!!! It has nostalgia. It has the exact kind of clipped, emotional punches that I was looking for. It has a wallop to the gut at the end that wraps it all up with a bittersweet bow. You do short, emotional pieces quite well. Thanks for entering this into the competition. I am honored you shared.
PoetSpeak – The Spectacular Nature: While you are over the word count, and I’m not quite sure it fits the brief, I really enjoy this poem. It’s brusque and exactly what I would expect from you, Cowboy.
Big Ass Iphone: Again, it’s all PoetSpeak. Exactly what I expect of you. This one did follow the brief a bit more, but I think you could have played with the metaphor some more to really drive home your point. BUT, you did say quite a it with very few words.
Nomoth – I love every single word choice in this. I want it read out loud. Like a prayer. Whispered. The repetition of “I picked you up” really works here. It lends itself to the importance of your object. Enforces it. Well done.
*Bluevelvete – Blue! BLUE! This is one of those pieces, like luna’s, where I’m reading. Enjoying myself and then BAM! Gut punch of emotions. Your last line is one of those that just shines through. Good choice to put it as its own stanza and make it italics. Stands out and ties the whole thing together. Well done!
Insiderew – I like the concept of this, and while I know you were sticking with a 5/7/5 structure, I think you could have made it stronger by maybe going the tanka route and adding two more 7 syllable lines on the end. BUT you followed the brief to a T and produced a solid piece of writing. Well done.
Wallyroo – This write has a subtle nod to passing time, nostalgia, love, and possibly a tinge of regret. You did well with the prompt and turned out an outstanding piece of writing. I love this, but I think it would be a stronger piece of writing without both ‘buts.’ And yes, I laughed because I used a but right before I told you to nix yours! ha! For some reason they took me out of the moment. I think the words would shine more without them.
*Eerie – This is gorgeous and I love it. It fits the brief perfectly and is exactly what I want. A tiny slice of emotion that we have attached to our most prized possessions. The imagery is gorgeous and I’m in love. Before I went over to your page to read it there, for some reason I thought it was a cotton nightgown. Something maybe your mother wore and now you wear. That last line made me think she was speaking to you through the gown. Isn’t it crazy how we all read stuff differently?
The Silly Sibyl – What is it about a drum that calls to people? Maybe not everyone, but it does me. And obviously you if it’s your most prized possession. Or maybe it’s prized because of who gave it to you. Either way, well done on this tight write. It fits the brief perfectly.
Archie – Well, you didn’t really keep it PG and you’re over the word limit. So I can’t really keep it as an entry to the competition. I did enjoy some of the slight rhymes you had and the comedic value that it brought. So thanks for that.
Dejure – I’m not sure that your poem fits the brief. It fits within the word count, but I’m not sure it’s actually about an hourglass that is your prized possession. I do like this poem quite a bit, though. The literal shape of it and the ideas presented work well together.
Cold Fusion – I like this rhyme scheme that you have going on. I don’t know if it’s a specific form or just something you came up with, but I like it. And may actually try to emulate it. What is it about hats like this that make us get all attached? I have a very similar one. Well done on a tight piece of writing that fits the brief perfectly!
Congrats to Wilberfloss, Eerie, and Bluevelvete. You three made the top spots hard to choose between.
LunaGreyHawk – This is one of those pieces where I’m reading and enjoying the very descriptive imagery, but then I’m WRECKED by the last couple of lines. You do that well here. Seriously, I want to steal the lines “given when our love was still a thing I’d swear by.” Jesus, Luna!
Wilberfloss – To My Father’s Watch: This is mostly a solid write. I like how it feels almost urgent with your word choices and then kind of slows down and stops towards the end. I say mostly a solid write because I think you could have made it smoother. When I read it out loud, I trip up in a few places. But you stuck with the word count and brief. Well done!
***A Little China Dinosaur – This piece!!! It has nostalgia. It has the exact kind of clipped, emotional punches that I was looking for. It has a wallop to the gut at the end that wraps it all up with a bittersweet bow. You do short, emotional pieces quite well. Thanks for entering this into the competition. I am honored you shared.
PoetSpeak – The Spectacular Nature: While you are over the word count, and I’m not quite sure it fits the brief, I really enjoy this poem. It’s brusque and exactly what I would expect from you, Cowboy.
Big Ass Iphone: Again, it’s all PoetSpeak. Exactly what I expect of you. This one did follow the brief a bit more, but I think you could have played with the metaphor some more to really drive home your point. BUT, you did say quite a it with very few words.
Nomoth – I love every single word choice in this. I want it read out loud. Like a prayer. Whispered. The repetition of “I picked you up” really works here. It lends itself to the importance of your object. Enforces it. Well done.
*Bluevelvete – Blue! BLUE! This is one of those pieces, like luna’s, where I’m reading. Enjoying myself and then BAM! Gut punch of emotions. Your last line is one of those that just shines through. Good choice to put it as its own stanza and make it italics. Stands out and ties the whole thing together. Well done!
Insiderew – I like the concept of this, and while I know you were sticking with a 5/7/5 structure, I think you could have made it stronger by maybe going the tanka route and adding two more 7 syllable lines on the end. BUT you followed the brief to a T and produced a solid piece of writing. Well done.
Wallyroo – This write has a subtle nod to passing time, nostalgia, love, and possibly a tinge of regret. You did well with the prompt and turned out an outstanding piece of writing. I love this, but I think it would be a stronger piece of writing without both ‘buts.’ And yes, I laughed because I used a but right before I told you to nix yours! ha! For some reason they took me out of the moment. I think the words would shine more without them.
*Eerie – This is gorgeous and I love it. It fits the brief perfectly and is exactly what I want. A tiny slice of emotion that we have attached to our most prized possessions. The imagery is gorgeous and I’m in love. Before I went over to your page to read it there, for some reason I thought it was a cotton nightgown. Something maybe your mother wore and now you wear. That last line made me think she was speaking to you through the gown. Isn’t it crazy how we all read stuff differently?
The Silly Sibyl – What is it about a drum that calls to people? Maybe not everyone, but it does me. And obviously you if it’s your most prized possession. Or maybe it’s prized because of who gave it to you. Either way, well done on this tight write. It fits the brief perfectly.
Archie – Well, you didn’t really keep it PG and you’re over the word limit. So I can’t really keep it as an entry to the competition. I did enjoy some of the slight rhymes you had and the comedic value that it brought. So thanks for that.
Dejure – I’m not sure that your poem fits the brief. It fits within the word count, but I’m not sure it’s actually about an hourglass that is your prized possession. I do like this poem quite a bit, though. The literal shape of it and the ideas presented work well together.
Cold Fusion – I like this rhyme scheme that you have going on. I don’t know if it’s a specific form or just something you came up with, but I like it. And may actually try to emulate it. What is it about hats like this that make us get all attached? I have a very similar one. Well done on a tight piece of writing that fits the brief perfectly!
Congratulations Wilber & Eerie!! Woo-hoo 🎉
Your poems left me soaking in ALL my feels... so well deserved! Ty @ DaisyGrace for this awesome comp idea and my placement! What a terrific experience! Your individual feedback was much appreciated and I'm humbled by your thoughtful comments,🙏 The comp was personally challenging to boot, which I enjoyed muchly. I'm also a total sucker for that minimalist, heart-in-my-throat-feel, power packed kind of spill, so I wholeheartedly gobbled up reading all the entries with gusto and I have NO IDEA how Daisy was able to choose... I'd seriously make everyone winners!! (can you even do that??).....Hence, me never running a competition.. lol
Much love and respect,
🌹
B
Your poems left me soaking in ALL my feels... so well deserved! Ty @ DaisyGrace for this awesome comp idea and my placement! What a terrific experience! Your individual feedback was much appreciated and I'm humbled by your thoughtful comments,🙏 The comp was personally challenging to boot, which I enjoyed muchly. I'm also a total sucker for that minimalist, heart-in-my-throat-feel, power packed kind of spill, so I wholeheartedly gobbled up reading all the entries with gusto and I have NO IDEA how Daisy was able to choose... I'd seriously make everyone winners!! (can you even do that??).....Hence, me never running a competition.. lol
Much love and respect,
🌹
B
Congrats Wilber and Blue! Fantastic pieces.
I so enjoyed reading about everyone's prized possessions
and seeing the pictures. This comp really forced the
emotion out of everyone. A job well done to all participants!
Thanks, Daisy, for hosting!
I so enjoyed reading about everyone's prized possessions
and seeing the pictures. This comp really forced the
emotion out of everyone. A job well done to all participants!
Thanks, Daisy, for hosting!
