Poetry competition CLOSED 9th November 2019 00:21am
WINNER
MadameLavender
MadameLavender
SAME TITLE POEMS
Related submission no longer exists.
Anarchitect said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/363756-revelations/hiya 
at first i thought Shrinks was the name of the tumour. then i re-read
a serious topic, the format chosen to address it brings it into the sphere of everyday-we-can-handle-this ness; using humour to tackle such darkness is a push back against it. whilst a devastating thing for an individual to have to cope with, millions of people are dealing with the same thing—and a brain tumour, today, isn't the automatic death-sentence it was once considered. a very good thing, right?
not sure if the biggest revelation was the tumour/shrunken tumour or the smelly abode
thanks for the entry, anarchitect!
at first i thought Shrinks was the name of the tumour. then i re-read
a serious topic, the format chosen to address it brings it into the sphere of everyday-we-can-handle-this ness; using humour to tackle such darkness is a push back against it. whilst a devastating thing for an individual to have to cope with, millions of people are dealing with the same thing—and a brain tumour, today, isn't the automatic death-sentence it was once considered. a very good thing, right?
not sure if the biggest revelation was the tumour/shrunken tumour or the smelly abode
thanks for the entry, anarchitect!
Related submission no longer exists.
Miss_Sub said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/363755-revelations/hiya 
this reads a modernday revelations, biblical allusion underscored by your references to gods and devils, an end-of-days scenario with the starlings, those black and noisy birds, "waving placard wings/to a cult of progression". really liked your "with breeze block Gods/possessive in their preaching". architecture, once a soaring paean to religious beauty at its highest aesthetic, reduced to ugly slab-work and shards of uncomfortable modernity.
appreciate your choice of line/strophe breaks, theme, and overall delivery. the devils in the concrete, indeed: as of 2016, the world's production of concrete produced one eighth of the world's total CO2 emissions, driving global warming ever onwards towards our destruction. a lot addressed in this poem that's worth unpacking.
thanks, missy, for your entry
this reads a modernday revelations, biblical allusion underscored by your references to gods and devils, an end-of-days scenario with the starlings, those black and noisy birds, "waving placard wings/to a cult of progression". really liked your "with breeze block Gods/possessive in their preaching". architecture, once a soaring paean to religious beauty at its highest aesthetic, reduced to ugly slab-work and shards of uncomfortable modernity.
appreciate your choice of line/strophe breaks, theme, and overall delivery. the devils in the concrete, indeed: as of 2016, the world's production of concrete produced one eighth of the world's total CO2 emissions, driving global warming ever onwards towards our destruction. a lot addressed in this poem that's worth unpacking.
thanks, missy, for your entry
Related submission no longer exists.
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>hey, Brando
you had me doing a little research to see what was waiting to be unpeeled in a poem that, on its surface, holds some ineffable quality that reached out—at the same time full of resolve as a sense of deep sorrow.
your opening sounds like a heraldic coat of arms, mythical creatures representing fire and water, the heights of the sky and the deepest depths of dark oceans, highs/lows/elemental
worn like a badge of honour, but these are 'real', organs... organs under attack? esophagael cancer presents with heartburn; Hell burns, too. so a lot of fire references. the water references are there in balance: leviathon, rivers, pour...
to me, this reads as a confession to a loved one, a revelation about cancer.
i hope this isn't a personal poem, or that i have it all wrong, or that you are in remission. it's a most thoughtful—and thought-provoking piece. please feel free to reply to me in pm if you'd prefer, or not at all.
thankyou, for this entry,
you had me doing a little research to see what was waiting to be unpeeled in a poem that, on its surface, holds some ineffable quality that reached out—at the same time full of resolve as a sense of deep sorrow.
your opening sounds like a heraldic coat of arms, mythical creatures representing fire and water, the heights of the sky and the deepest depths of dark oceans, highs/lows/elemental
worn like a badge of honour, but these are 'real', organs... organs under attack? esophagael cancer presents with heartburn; Hell burns, too. so a lot of fire references. the water references are there in balance: leviathon, rivers, pour...
to me, this reads as a confession to a loved one, a revelation about cancer.
i hope this isn't a personal poem, or that i have it all wrong, or that you are in remission. it's a most thoughtful—and thought-provoking piece. please feel free to reply to me in pm if you'd prefer, or not at all.
thankyou, for this entry,
Related submission no longer exists.
PsycoticMastermind said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/363793-revelations/bwahaha, had me seeing a young woman bending over and revealing she'd 'forgotten' to don knickers, accidentally-on-purpose, like
a revelation, for sure thankyou for this entry
a revelation, for sure
thankyou for this entryrevelations
i said i loved you but i lied
you did not know that’s why i cried
by modest words disqualified
my iceberg base i tried to hide
my lyric lines were filled with vain profusions
i dared not bare my heart’s true revelations
i tried to kiss you but your pride
would not my forceful whims abide
too soon for strange lips to collide
or hearts so fragile to confide
and when i told you of my predilection
you said too soon for such blunt revelations
my genesis of hope resides
a thorn on eden’s mountainside
how soon might i be justified
by faith that cannot be denied
you said one day despite my taut confusion
you would to me bring sweeter revelations
i said i loved you but i lied
love serves not where pale words preside
but dwells—if truth be amplified—
in paradise where angels bide
from genesis through all life’s generations
love’s exodus seeks heaven’s revelations
© Copyright 2019 November 03
♫
you did not know that’s why i cried
by modest words disqualified
my iceberg base i tried to hide
my lyric lines were filled with vain profusions
i dared not bare my heart’s true revelations
i tried to kiss you but your pride
would not my forceful whims abide
too soon for strange lips to collide
or hearts so fragile to confide
and when i told you of my predilection
you said too soon for such blunt revelations
my genesis of hope resides
a thorn on eden’s mountainside
how soon might i be justified
by faith that cannot be denied
you said one day despite my taut confusion
you would to me bring sweeter revelations
i said i loved you but i lied
love serves not where pale words preside
but dwells—if truth be amplified—
in paradise where angels bide
from genesis through all life’s generations
love’s exodus seeks heaven’s revelations
© Copyright 2019 November 03
♫
Written by cabcool
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cabcool said:
hi
carrying on that rhyme scheme throughout, with the alternate couplets of 11 syllables on the end of each stanza of 4 rhymed iambic tetrameter lines? not easy.
a neat tension between 'love' as declared physically and 'love' as an abiding concept of 'god'. this line, especially, i liked, as it's relevant beyond concepts of religion; it is its own truth and, as such, is beautiful:
love serves not where pale words preside
thanks, cabcool, for this technically tricky entry
hi
carrying on that rhyme scheme throughout, with the alternate couplets of 11 syllables on the end of each stanza of 4 rhymed iambic tetrameter lines? not easy.
a neat tension between 'love' as declared physically and 'love' as an abiding concept of 'god'. this line, especially, i liked, as it's relevant beyond concepts of religion; it is its own truth and, as such, is beautiful:
love serves not where pale words preside
thanks, cabcool, for this technically tricky entry
diddi said:Revelations
Read the epitaph
before the birth
we're written
in a spell that's cast
upon a viral Earth .
Leather feathers and bird leaves
halo weather,mad cow disease
humans faltered as Earth recedes
plastic castings of trickery
the face , the mask's
all they see .
Revelations of allied nations
Kingdom's rising
regaining elevation
empirically tested
with more invested interest
in our damnation ,we're living totalitarian
A wild stampede
all substrates in need
all known seeds
are buried under lands of green
they think it won't be known
if it ,can't be seen
so when the show really blows
they can start clean.
Numerical in digits
via portals near missed hits
feared land-fills
prophets get blitzed
they want to stamp us
with triple six.
hi, again, diddi
this one drives forward through apocalyptic visions via the engine of rap. works well to deliver your message. dark tones and a take-no-prisoners piece. thanks for your entry!
strong ending with these lines, and all their allusions:
prophets get blitzed
they want to stamp us
with triple six.
Read the epitaph
before the birth
we're written
in a spell that's cast
upon a viral Earth .
Leather feathers and bird leaves
halo weather,mad cow disease
humans faltered as Earth recedes
plastic castings of trickery
the face , the mask's
all they see .
Revelations of allied nations
Kingdom's rising
regaining elevation
empirically tested
with more invested interest
in our damnation ,we're living totalitarian
A wild stampede
all substrates in need
all known seeds
are buried under lands of green
they think it won't be known
if it ,can't be seen
so when the show really blows
they can start clean.
Numerical in digits
via portals near missed hits
feared land-fills
prophets get blitzed
they want to stamp us
with triple six.
hi, again, diddi
this one drives forward through apocalyptic visions via the engine of rap. works well to deliver your message. dark tones and a take-no-prisoners piece. thanks for your entry!
strong ending with these lines, and all their allusions:
prophets get blitzed
they want to stamp us
with triple six.
Related submission no longer exists.
MaryWalker said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/363828-revelations/
cute delivery, though perhaps some find freedom in the 'bondage' of form poetry? so they say... you, well you just want to loosen her up a bit
nicely done, had me smiling, Mary
thanks for this entry
cute delivery, though perhaps some find freedom in the 'bondage' of form poetry? so they say... you, well you just want to loosen her up a bit
nicely done, had me smiling, Mary
thanks for this entryRelated submission no longer exists.
Magnetron said:https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/363835-revelations/
what struck me most in this piece was your imagery... how there's change, change and more change... from solid to liquid—ice to water, mantle to magma. the stigmatic magmatism lines were striking.
appreciate the message: treat mother earth badly, for too long, and she'll do more than shed some tears in the form of melt-water.
thanks!
what struck me most in this piece was your imagery... how there's change, change and more change... from solid to liquid—ice to water, mantle to magma. the stigmatic magmatism lines were striking.
appreciate the message: treat mother earth badly, for too long, and she'll do more than shed some tears in the form of melt-water.
thanks!
Revelations
I was thinking how
I lost a business based
On breastfeeding
Because of cruel predators
Hunting our little kids
Threatening our lives
I lost a son's mind
And I lost my first daughter
In a fog of confusion
When a weird old groomer
Jumped into our midst
Lying and taking our kids
It's what haters do
They hunt, assault,
Lie and confuse
But even more,
They ruined a breastfeeding
Relationship
Built on calm focus and peace
My young daughter (5months)
Drinks from a bottle
So I do not lose
My mind
from mal-ease
I lost a business based
On breastfeeding
Because of cruel predators
Hunting our little kids
Threatening our lives
I lost a son's mind
And I lost my first daughter
In a fog of confusion
When a weird old groomer
Jumped into our midst
Lying and taking our kids
It's what haters do
They hunt, assault,
Lie and confuse
But even more,
They ruined a breastfeeding
Relationship
Built on calm focus and peace
My young daughter (5months)
Drinks from a bottle
So I do not lose
My mind
from mal-ease
Written by EdibleWords
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EdibleWords said: hi, edible
a genuine revelation about your experiences; baring oneself can be both painful yet cathartic. i hope writing this helped some.
i felt your thrid and final strophes to be the most powerful; any parent's nightmare. an uncomfortable-yet-important-to-be-read entry.
thanyou
a genuine revelation about your experiences; baring oneself can be both painful yet cathartic. i hope writing this helped some.
i felt your thrid and final strophes to be the most powerful; any parent's nightmare. an uncomfortable-yet-important-to-be-read entry.
thanyou
MadameLavender said:Revelations
Blood speaks volumes—
I know how you’ll bleed;
Von Willebrand’s
when they cut you open tomorrow.
Genetic hiccup, nasty
antibody to boot, making
my shift, miserable.
I found out its name—
forced it to tattle
like a stool pigeon in test tubes.
I’ll be ready
when the surgeon’s knife drops
that first slice—
I am the anticipator,
the blood banker,
transfusion maven.
You may never know me, but
I know all about you, revealed
in a single tube of blood.
hi, madameL... you had me go look it up:
Von Willebrand Disease. Von Willebrand disease (VWD) is a genetic disorder caused by missing or defective von Willebrand factor (VWF), a clotting protein. VWF binds factor VIII, a key clotting protein, and platelets in blood vessel walls, which help form a platelet plug during the clotting process.
i genuinely enjoyed the originality of this theme, despite the nature of this haemophiliac disease. the wonders of science—how voiceless blood can still speak to those with ears to listen; how lucky are those sufferers this medical knowledge exists to have their backs—how important these steps in understanding our genetics are.
presented in a calm, practical voice, this poem delivers the goods. thankyou for your entry
Blood speaks volumes—
I know how you’ll bleed;
Von Willebrand’s
when they cut you open tomorrow.
Genetic hiccup, nasty
antibody to boot, making
my shift, miserable.
I found out its name—
forced it to tattle
like a stool pigeon in test tubes.
I’ll be ready
when the surgeon’s knife drops
that first slice—
I am the anticipator,
the blood banker,
transfusion maven.
You may never know me, but
I know all about you, revealed
in a single tube of blood.
hi, madameL... you had me go look it up:
Von Willebrand Disease. Von Willebrand disease (VWD) is a genetic disorder caused by missing or defective von Willebrand factor (VWF), a clotting protein. VWF binds factor VIII, a key clotting protein, and platelets in blood vessel walls, which help form a platelet plug during the clotting process.
i genuinely enjoyed the originality of this theme, despite the nature of this haemophiliac disease. the wonders of science—how voiceless blood can still speak to those with ears to listen; how lucky are those sufferers this medical knowledge exists to have their backs—how important these steps in understanding our genetics are.
presented in a calm, practical voice, this poem delivers the goods. thankyou for your entry
Revelations (Framed Daylight)
'So many things I had thought forgotten
Return to my mind with stranger pain:
Like letters that arrive addressed to someone
Who left the house so many years ago.”
― Philip Larkin
In a still moment, I heard them
within a profusion of inane other things,
Burning, caressing absurdities
with their persistence, their announcement.
Why must I endure them; they only mock
my sentience with their grandiose visions
spilling forth like the sweetest wine
intoxicating sensibilities,
my logical conclusions stymied.
Oh, revelatory absurdity
how you tempt me
to love foolishly,
unabashedly, fully and fatally.
I cannot live by your temptation alone,
you are only a dream.
I revel in everything else;
the raw realness of framed daylight,
as your lofty clouds drift by me,
high and afar.
.....
#PhillipLarkin
Return to my mind with stranger pain:
Like letters that arrive addressed to someone
Who left the house so many years ago.”
― Philip Larkin
In a still moment, I heard them
within a profusion of inane other things,
Burning, caressing absurdities
with their persistence, their announcement.
Why must I endure them; they only mock
my sentience with their grandiose visions
spilling forth like the sweetest wine
intoxicating sensibilities,
my logical conclusions stymied.
Oh, revelatory absurdity
how you tempt me
to love foolishly,
unabashedly, fully and fatally.
I cannot live by your temptation alone,
you are only a dream.
I revel in everything else;
the raw realness of framed daylight,
as your lofty clouds drift by me,
high and afar.
.....
#PhillipLarkin
Written by PoetsRevenge
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PoetsRevenge said:this reads to me like a double revelation: the sweet tormenting voices suggesting possibilities in those 'visions' yet, at the same time, a revelation by the poem's narrator that they will not be listened to nor acted upon and that, instead, they will revel in what is real (and achievable) to them. a closing oneself off from the possibilities of love as a form of self-preservation? that's sad.
the image of the framed daylight has me thinking of a person who is too unsure, not mentally prepared to chance walking through the doorway of possibilities. even though the lines don't mention a doorway—might just as well be windows, the 'glass' closing the narrator off from the other side of what is/what could be.
question: obsurdities
since you have absurdity further down, is this word a play on 'obscurities/absurdities', or a typo? i know you're not prone to posting with typos so i just wanted to know
thanks for this entry, Poets_Revenge
the image of the framed daylight has me thinking of a person who is too unsure, not mentally prepared to chance walking through the doorway of possibilities. even though the lines don't mention a doorway—might just as well be windows, the 'glass' closing the narrator off from the other side of what is/what could be.
question: obsurdities
since you have absurdity further down, is this word a play on 'obscurities/absurdities', or a typo? i know you're not prone to posting with typos so i just wanted to know
thanks for this entry, Poets_Revenge
Revelations
Sometimes we see beauty on the outside
for all intents and purposes,
Because some secrets are never meant to be known,
But when the real story rises up and surfaces,
The truth can be chilling down to the bone.
Revelations are awakenings, a significant beckoning,
Making us see the true condition for what it’s worth,
It can be very revealing, disturbing and unfeeling,
But you get to walk in the light from that point forth.
for all intents and purposes,
Because some secrets are never meant to be known,
But when the real story rises up and surfaces,
The truth can be chilling down to the bone.
Revelations are awakenings, a significant beckoning,
Making us see the true condition for what it’s worth,
It can be very revealing, disturbing and unfeeling,
But you get to walk in the light from that point forth.
Written by wallyroo92
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wallyroo92 said:hey, wallyroo
well, there's no arguing with the points your poem make: the face of beauty doesn't always reflect the truth inside. to face the revelations can be a life-altering event—but truth? it sets us free. important message to take away with us as readers.
thanks for this entry, wally!
well, there's no arguing with the points your poem make: the face of beauty doesn't always reflect the truth inside. to face the revelations can be a life-altering event—but truth? it sets us free. important message to take away with us as readers.
thanks for this entry, wally!
Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn - Armageddon Has Begun
Below the Sea of Galilee
In a cauldron of tar, and salinity
Where no life can survive
The dark evil incarnate did arise
From the mysterious depths
Of the bottomless pit it leapt
The Beast was not the metaphor
Of ancient gospels’ lore
But an immense physical manifestation
A mountain of all that is evil, incarnation
Each inhalation of his respiration
Stole light from Earth's horizon
Expelling sulfured air in exhalation
His putrid breath was an abomination
With his right paw he swept away Gaza
With his left he crushed all of Mecca
Then looking towards the heavens in triumph
In a grotesque glare of defiance
He bellowed a hideous howl of victory
So all God’s children clutched their ears in agony
Except for the one, the one called Abaddon
Who greeted the ‘Living Darkness’ with adulation
“Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn, Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
“My Great Lord, begin the Armageddon!”
In a cauldron of tar, and salinity
Where no life can survive
The dark evil incarnate did arise
From the mysterious depths
Of the bottomless pit it leapt
The Beast was not the metaphor
Of ancient gospels’ lore
But an immense physical manifestation
A mountain of all that is evil, incarnation
Each inhalation of his respiration
Stole light from Earth's horizon
Expelling sulfured air in exhalation
His putrid breath was an abomination
With his right paw he swept away Gaza
With his left he crushed all of Mecca
Then looking towards the heavens in triumph
In a grotesque glare of defiance
He bellowed a hideous howl of victory
So all God’s children clutched their ears in agony
Except for the one, the one called Abaddon
Who greeted the ‘Living Darkness’ with adulation
“Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn, Ia Ia Cthulhu Fhtagn!”
“My Great Lord, begin the Armageddon!”
Written by snugglebuck
Go To Page
snugglebuck said:so many names for darkness, so many for light... when will religions come to term that whatever we call them, they're the same? and how dreadful acts done in the name of any religion are still unholy.
these lines spoke to me through the imagery they created, perhaps more than any others in your poem:
Each inhalation of his respiration
Stole light from Earth's horizon
the idea of that, the sucking away of light/hope/future. a heavy, heavy image
thankyou so much for your entry, snugglebuck
these lines spoke to me through the imagery they created, perhaps more than any others in your poem:
Each inhalation of his respiration
Stole light from Earth's horizon
the idea of that, the sucking away of light/hope/future. a heavy, heavy image
thankyou so much for your entry, snugglebuck
okies, winners and runners up are posted. madameLavender, the originality of your theme, the concept of blood 'speaking' its revelations, is such an important one. missy's was so packed with backstory it was a close close thing, and Brando's... well, if i read it right (it's what i took from it, anyway), so visceral. congrats!
you guys made this one HARD!
special mentions to jade for her important piece and mary walker for something that balanced out seriousness with humour so well, and cabcool for committing to and delivering such a tricky form!
all of you made this a journey for me. my head is indeed reeling from revelations, my mind—burning
you guys made this one HARD!
special mentions to jade for her important piece and mary walker for something that balanced out seriousness with humour so well, and cabcool for committing to and delivering such a tricky form!
all of you made this a journey for me. my head is indeed reeling from revelations, my mind—burning
