Poetry competition CLOSED 20th August 2011 4:38pm
WINNER
anandosen
anandosen
Triolets
Anonymous
Poetry Contest Description
Write a triolet
A triolet is an eight line poem which opens and ends with the same couplet, has a fourth line identical to the first, and follows an A B A A A B A B rhyme scheme. For instance:
"Birds At Winter" by Thomas Hardy
Around the house the flakes fly faster,
And all the berries now are gone
From holly and cotoneaster
Around the house. The flakes fly! – faster
Shutting indoors the crumb-outcaster
We used to see upon the lawn
Around the house. The Flakes fly faster
And all the berries now are gone!
"Birds At Winter" by Thomas Hardy
Around the house the flakes fly faster,
And all the berries now are gone
From holly and cotoneaster
Around the house. The flakes fly! – faster
Shutting indoors the crumb-outcaster
We used to see upon the lawn
Around the house. The Flakes fly faster
And all the berries now are gone!
violet said:i'm working on it 
Great Idea Jack
How fitting. Can't wait to see the Triolet of Violet.
I'll have to give this a go myself. Playing with forms can often be fun, especially forms you haven't worked with before.
Update: Damn, this is hard. If I get the meter right, the refrain is useless, If I get the refrain right the meter is off. No wonder this is a rarely used form.
Great Idea Jack
How fitting. Can't wait to see the Triolet of Violet.
I'll have to give this a go myself. Playing with forms can often be fun, especially forms you haven't worked with before.
Update: Damn, this is hard. If I get the meter right, the refrain is useless, If I get the refrain right the meter is off. No wonder this is a rarely used form.
Darkbee said:[quote-40702-violet]i'm working on it
Great Idea Jack
How fitting. Can't wait to see the Triolet of Violet.
I'll have to give this a go myself. Playing with forms can often be fun, especially forms you haven't worked with before.[/quote]
i completely agree. Rhyme though is a thing i Never do, it should be interesting and challenging
DB, hehe!! I am under pressure now!
Great Idea Jack
How fitting. Can't wait to see the Triolet of Violet.
I'll have to give this a go myself. Playing with forms can often be fun, especially forms you haven't worked with before.[/quote]
i completely agree. Rhyme though is a thing i Never do, it should be interesting and challenging
DB, hehe!! I am under pressure now!
Anonymous
[font=Verdana]To be honest DB I don't worry too much about meter. So long as each line has roughly eight syllables and flows when I read it I just let it be.
Heslopian said:[font=Verdana]To be honest DB I don't worry too much about meter. So long as each line has roughly eight syllables and flows when I read it I just let it be.
Alright, have it your way. Here's my first effort:
Train of Thought
As hills roll by aboard the train
I think of you with deep regret
joyous smiling my lips do feign
As hills roll by aboard the train
wind mocks lone church's weather vane
empty silence when last we met
As hills roll by aboard the train
I think of you with deep regret
Alright, have it your way. Here's my first effort:
Train of Thought
As hills roll by aboard the train
I think of you with deep regret
joyous smiling my lips do feign
As hills roll by aboard the train
wind mocks lone church's weather vane
empty silence when last we met
As hills roll by aboard the train
I think of you with deep regret
Mirror mirror
Mirror mirror tell them all
How my freckles dance on the bridge of my nose
Or how my hair tends to frizz up when it's cold
Mirror mirror tell them all
When I look into you I see so many flaws
But its ok, I like me this way
Mirror mirror tell them all
How my freckles dance on the bridge of my nose
Mirror mirror tell them all
How my freckles dance on the bridge of my nose
Or how my hair tends to frizz up when it's cold
Mirror mirror tell them all
When I look into you I see so many flaws
But its ok, I like me this way
Mirror mirror tell them all
How my freckles dance on the bridge of my nose
i hope this is o.k jack.
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/24401/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/24401/
Fascinating exercise, Jack. It kind of lends itself to a reflective type of poem. Anyway, this is my effort:
The Shadow on the Blind
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there -
it must have been a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet even though that life was far behind,
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind.
Like some old film, my memories unwind
down to the final reel. Yet still I’d swear
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there.
I just realized you're stipulating tetrameters, so here goes again:
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
Like film, my memories unwind
down to the end. Yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
The Shadow on the Blind
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there -
it must have been a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet even though that life was far behind,
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind.
Like some old film, my memories unwind
down to the final reel. Yet still I’d swear
I thought I saw her shadow on the blind;
I looked again, but there was no-one there.
I just realized you're stipulating tetrameters, so here goes again:
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
Like film, my memories unwind
down to the end. Yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
Anonymous
[font=Verdana]Gg, your poem doesn't follow the correct rhyme scheme, and Ceejay, your poem has one too many lines, but good first tries.
Anonymous
lepperochan said:i hope this is o.k jack.http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/24401/
I'd read those poems before and loved them Eamonn (they're on my reading list) but they're not strictly triolets. The rhyme schemes aren't quite there. Plus I only want one.
I'd read those poems before and loved them Eamonn (they're on my reading list) but they're not strictly triolets. The rhyme schemes aren't quite there. Plus I only want one.
How the hell did I not notice that? It's like one of those puzzles where while you're paying attention to one thing you forget about something else. Great fun! Anyway, Jack, I've taken the hacksaw to it and this is my final version.
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
My memory fades, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
My memory fades, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
Anonymous
[font=Verdana] Astyanax said:How the hell did I not notice that? It's like one of those puzzles where while you're paying attention to one thing you forget about something else. Great fun! Anyway, Jack, I've taken the hacksaw to it and this is my final version.
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
My memory fades, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
The fourth line, not the fifth, is supposed to match the first. Getting closer
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
Yet though she’s gone, left far behind,
I saw her shadow on the blind.
My memory fades, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
The fourth line, not the fifth, is supposed to match the first. Getting closer
OK, Jack, let's try this one:
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
I saw her shadow on the blind,
although she’s gone, left far behind.
She‘s lost to me, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there -
it’s just a cruel trick of the mind.
I saw her shadow on the blind,
although she’s gone, left far behind.
She‘s lost to me, yet still I’d swear
I saw her shadow on the blind;
I look again, there’s no-one there.
