Pain In My Heart

I knew you’d never cross oceans for me
Though i’d cross the frozen threshold of hell, cross
The heavens, plunge from eden’s paradise, all for you
I burnt our bridges because that terrified me...
My soul was dancing around your pale fingertips
Though you were not aware, the power your name had over me.
To save you i’d bleed out into your hollow heart, because mine belonged to you.
If your sky colored eyes ever shed a tear, like clouds setting free
melancholy raindrops, slowly tracing your fine alabaster skin, i’d be there
Before your tears left the warm hearth of your cheek, to wipe them away
I wanted to be a wall you could lean against, a river
You could sink into, a flame that would dispel the darkness
But I was a black sun, exuding dark, mournful rays  
I was a shadow that failed to be your light
And i thought your hands fit into mine so perfectly, for you’d always
be the one to pull me back up, from my woeful depths of despair
But now we don’t even speak and all that’s left are old scars
That still ache sometimes when i see you, old friend.
Before i try to save someone else, the wounds i bear must heal
Before i try to hold someone else together, i must piece back my own shattered spirit.
What hurts the most is having so much to say…
Suffocating from all the sorrowed songs i swallowed locking them in a safe
made from bleeding pieces of my forlorn heart refusing to release the river
of unsaid thoughts i had once turned into poems  
You were family, maybe more, not bound by blood but I have loved you
For an eternity, and so too will i continue, until my last waking breath
That's why it hurt so much when you push me away, though i know i was the one
Who pushed you away first. We became the moon and the ocean waves
So far apart, pulling towards each other, never able to overcome the sky between them
I wanted you to stop me from leaving, that's what i’ve always wanted
For someone to stay when i try to soar with frightened wings upon
faint-hearted winds, far away to my own little world
For someone to pierce that somber chamber i’ve trapped myself in for centuries
I had always wished that when i turned my eyes from you and walked away
That you’d grab me by my hand, lace your fingers into mine and tell me
You’d cross more than oceans for me, tell me you won't ever let me go

the pendulum swings                
the metronome moves                
my heart bleeds for you                
                 
my anarchist artist                
                 
missing us, and                  
all what once was                
passion destruction                
maybe just an illusion                
                 
yearning for intimacy                
i suppress my urge                
preventing myself                
from calling you                
                 
when solitude                
submerges                  
me and                
                 
nothing                
    matters                
       anymore                
                 
for you, my love        
                 
you stripped me bare                  
and forced me to wear                  
nothing but vulnerability                
                 
for you and only you                
i got down on all fours                
while I begged for more                
                 
the pendulum swings                
the metronome moves                
my heart bleeds for you                
                 
my master, my rebel                
my hell, my heaven                
                 
my de Sade                
my Saudade                
                 
                 
Signed, your elf ♡

[font=Georgia]Did you think about asking me before her?
Walking round town like everyone adores her
Silly me to think that we had something greater
Held you down when the other chicks said, "Later"

I was a best friend even when I didn't like it.
Was the only good girl with a bad side you couldn't diss
My friends warned me of the unhappy ending
But I just wanted to keep hoping and pretending

Now you're expecting me to give you some clarity
or help but sorry boo this is too sadity which is why I left
I know you think you need her but even with my head spinning
I believe we both should consider the options pending

1. You could've chosen me
2. I know you inside and out truly
3. I guess I'm jealous of the brat
4. Why couldn't you just fess up for love and face this fact?!

I know you needed me and I should've asked for better
days, but sometimes I swear your jaded which is why we stray
I love you and I know things to say that could make your heart quake
Boy look at me before you walk away with this flake because it's not too late

Just to say....Here we are. I don't need it anymore
But you need my permission and even then or before
It won't matter because....Wait, what? I thought...
No, it's just if you were going to marry her....maybe what we had, you just forgot?

This hurts, but hold up. I just remembered
Before I get in the feels and forget the fury I simmer
You didn't need my permission to see her
Nor did you need it when she cried out for you to go deeper

You didn't need it when you had that fight
Or when she was suspected of fucking that guy
You never asked for it when I thought it right
So what's the reason and what's your why?

I need, no I demand in ever sense of the word
I don't recall you ever asking nor have I heard
you needing my permission for that
So where the need for a tit for tat?

She is yours now. You deserve to be happy now
I should know better somehow. Still love you.
I feel everything and then again you never will
I guess this isn't about permission in the deal

You didn't need my permission until now
Guess that should be something somehow
I didn't think I'd believe I mattered compared to her
Even though my answer is yes, don't ever ask for my permission when it comes to her.