deepundergroundpoetry.com
American Beauty
She sure is a princess
green-eyed and auburn-haired
full-lipped and sun-dipped
blue jeans so rightly paired
with a gum-pop and tight top
cut in all the right places
eliciting longing stares
on all the boys faces.
But her eyes fall on one
who takes her for granted
she walks towards him shyly
in lust and enchanted.
And I want to say STOP!
You could do SO much better.
But I suppose she could say the same to me.
So I stand back ... and let her.
green-eyed and auburn-haired
full-lipped and sun-dipped
blue jeans so rightly paired
with a gum-pop and tight top
cut in all the right places
eliciting longing stares
on all the boys faces.
But her eyes fall on one
who takes her for granted
she walks towards him shyly
in lust and enchanted.
And I want to say STOP!
You could do SO much better.
But I suppose she could say the same to me.
So I stand back ... and let her.
Published 31st Jan 2012
| Edited 4th Feb 2012
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likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 747
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st Jan 2012 9:14pm
3rd Feb 2012 6:56am
Meghan
This write packs a punch.
The last two lines are befitting
and bring a beautiful climax.
I would like this defleshed-deboned-
bared and shaved. Sans punctaution
and conjugation. Just me IMHO.
Great write.
S'
This write packs a punch.
The last two lines are befitting
and bring a beautiful climax.
I would like this defleshed-deboned-
bared and shaved. Sans punctaution
and conjugation. Just me IMHO.
Great write.
S'
4th Feb 2012 2:04am
Appreciate the reads and feedback. Sumeet, I think you're right about the punctuation. I just read it over and there are an awful lot of commas. I'm going to try removing some!
