deepundergroundpoetry.com
Summer 2011
We walked a delicate line; you and I:
Skirting cops and curfews,
Stealing money and merchandise -
In a 1996 Chevrolet with suspended licenses,
And a center-console full of prescription pills.
We weren't allowed home in altered states,
So we cut ourselves off from the world,
And holed up in hotel rooms
Too dingy for recollections.
You held my hair back,
As I puked up the remains of a Percocet,
Then kissed me on the lips despite the taste.
And I thought that meant you loved me.
Skirting cops and curfews,
Stealing money and merchandise -
In a 1996 Chevrolet with suspended licenses,
And a center-console full of prescription pills.
We weren't allowed home in altered states,
So we cut ourselves off from the world,
And holed up in hotel rooms
Too dingy for recollections.
You held my hair back,
As I puked up the remains of a Percocet,
Then kissed me on the lips despite the taste.
And I thought that meant you loved me.
Published 23rd Jan 2012
| Edited 26th Jan 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 830
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2012 1:18am
what altered minds believe to be pure, and how long we go actually thinking we are living. Thank You for sharing your experience with us
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2012 4:55am
I like the resigned attitude in this, despite the rebellion of the narrator and the fact that there's no real opinion looking back, other than that of a love that has since passed. From what I can tell, there are a few punctuation problems that could be fixed pretty easily, and the fourth line could use some revision to either be 'In a 1996 Chevrolet with suspended licenses' or 'In 1996 Chevrolets with suspended licenses'. And while the concept is there, I feel like a few lines could benefit from some added descriptions to spruce things up. All of this just IMHO, of course.
Welcome to DUP, by the way. :]
Welcome to DUP, by the way. :]
23rd Jan 2012 5:05am
Oh, you're totally right. The fourth line should be "in a". Thanks for reading and for your remarks! Happy to be here :)
7th Feb 2012 2:13pm
Nice poem, the flow goes and then the story...lol kissed on the lips after you puked...lol. Ive held girls hair back, but not kissed right after they puked. Great read!
8th Feb 2012 00:41am
Hahaha, yeah. At the time, it seemed really normal. But looking back, I'm like. Um, EW! And thanks for stopping by :)
8th Feb 2012 1:21am
So far I have read a couple poems by you.
I relate to the messages you send and enjoy your
"only human" descriptions and choice of words.
I like ya chic :) Keep it up!
I relate to the messages you send and enjoy your
"only human" descriptions and choice of words.
I like ya chic :) Keep it up!
8th Feb 2012 2:23am
Thanks so much for reading! Appreciate the feedback and glad you're enjoying :)
16th Sep 2015 3:14am
