deepundergroundpoetry.com
My eating disorder
Just when I feel I'm coping and finally doing well ,
My mental illness is there to remind me I'm still here living hell,
i lay deep in thought at night counting everything iv ate,
Be sure iv exceeded the limit to afraid i might lose weight,
I wake half way through the day first thoughts are iv missed a meal,
But il binge on food all day to stop the sadness i feel,
i hold my stomach after eating to see if it has changed,
But no one understands people think that im deranged,
I dont dare to walk that far cos exercise i just dont do,
People think i hide away when they dont even have a clue,
Im not an anti social person am not boring for staying in,
My mental illness limits my actions so i miss out on everything,
When i do go out im out im nervous thinkin all eyes are on me,
Im so afraid to be called skinny a way i never want to be,
Just take all i have take all that i own,
If this eating disorder would free me id even give my home,
But here i am so lonely with this fucked up little fight,
Against my mental illness and the need to cut to make it right,
Dont stand at my side with your hand if your standing there unsure,
Im already at rockbottom and your weakness will leave me raw,
I love my family loads and my friends that chose me paid dearly,
For they took in all my shit and stayed after seein me clearly...
My mental illness is there to remind me I'm still here living hell,
i lay deep in thought at night counting everything iv ate,
Be sure iv exceeded the limit to afraid i might lose weight,
I wake half way through the day first thoughts are iv missed a meal,
But il binge on food all day to stop the sadness i feel,
i hold my stomach after eating to see if it has changed,
But no one understands people think that im deranged,
I dont dare to walk that far cos exercise i just dont do,
People think i hide away when they dont even have a clue,
Im not an anti social person am not boring for staying in,
My mental illness limits my actions so i miss out on everything,
When i do go out im out im nervous thinkin all eyes are on me,
Im so afraid to be called skinny a way i never want to be,
Just take all i have take all that i own,
If this eating disorder would free me id even give my home,
But here i am so lonely with this fucked up little fight,
Against my mental illness and the need to cut to make it right,
Dont stand at my side with your hand if your standing there unsure,
Im already at rockbottom and your weakness will leave me raw,
I love my family loads and my friends that chose me paid dearly,
For they took in all my shit and stayed after seein me clearly...
Published 2nd Jan 2016
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2nd Jan 2016 2:03am
Slow down...you got to remember to breath, never forget that, very, very important. I struggle with mental illness to, like you, I'm not comfortable going out either. Even a walk to the mailbox, start small, will do wonders. There's also a lightbulb that helps, especially in winter. It's a "GROW LIGHT". It mimics the sun, place it real close, several × a day & it's cheap. The vitamin D does wonders. I always have one. Remember, small steps & breath. Sending hope & support your way, SURVIVOR➰
2nd Jan 2016 2:30am
