deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cerulean
We sail a dream wild and wide as the rolling ocean,
deep as the allegorical halls of Poseidon’s dominion.
The only balm that scalds us is the downpouring
rain, hurled from a broken brooding sky,
fractured firmament of heaven.
The only sound that assaults our beleaguered ears
is thunder: ten thousand sweating angels, bare-chested
and conscripted, beating on canvas top drums with
ivory batons capped with microceratus skulls.
The only intrusions of light that crack the onyx wall of
night, a living blackness that obliterates the moon and
every star, are silver-white javelins, contorted, propelled
by what mighty titan from his balcony of anvil clouds.
We are shipwrecked off the coast of Madness
in the royal blue of the Caspian sea,
afloat on driftwood…
Published 12th Jul 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 1251
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Jul 2013 5:48am
12th Jul 2013 5:47am
I really like the imagery. Though, if I'm being honest I have to say the vocabulary sounds a bit stilted. It might read as pretentious to readers who don't quite have the range of words that you use. I can't deny that you paint a mighty picture, and if that's what you're after then you're doing a great job.
I really don't want to condemn the prospect of having a good vocabulary, but there's a point at which you cross into verbiage.
Maybe try conveying deep ideas in ways that are easily understood.
I really don't want to condemn the prospect of having a good vocabulary, but there's a point at which you cross into verbiage.
Maybe try conveying deep ideas in ways that are easily understood.
12th Jul 2013 10:28am
12th Jul 2013 5:54am
drifting in the middle of a vast sea... nothing but memories and thoughts in your mind... it truly is madness when you reach that conclusive coast...
12th Jul 2013 10:24am
I first read this in the DANGER competition thread ... BRILLIANT! GENIUS!
You are true word smith. The imagery painted was magnificent - the writing stands up on it's own - I fell privileged that I read it before seeing the attached pic because somehow it made the words that much more crisp and cutting.
LSP
You are true word smith. The imagery painted was magnificent - the writing stands up on it's own - I fell privileged that I read it before seeing the attached pic because somehow it made the words that much more crisp and cutting.
LSP
12th Jul 2013 1:15pm
Anonymous
14th Jul 2013 5:31am
Love the imagery this conjures up. One fine poem, cher...
17th Jul 2013 4:10am
Wow! I could almost feel and hear the hard rain and wind, and the tossing of the ship.
Incredible spill, JohnF! Xo
Incredible spill, JohnF! Xo
