Sexy Laugh

tornado - calamitygin and Devlin - Thanks for keeping this on track with your sexy wit and tongue in cheek humor!

Awesome!

I came fast
And she laughed.
Hard. After all my bad talk
Bout my virgin dick game.
But after much foreplay,
I lasted about a minute in her tightness.
And so I sat there scowling
And she lay there laughing.
But seeing as I was still hard,
I decide to end it.

Slow and steady does it,
Up the length of her thighs,
Kissing and sucking the inside
TilI I reached her dripping iris.
Flicking my tongue over her clitoris
I slipped a finger and another in.
Her laughter has twisted into moaning
As she twists and squims beneath me,
Fingers locked into my hair.
She shuddered with  small orgasm, I think.
It would explain the way she squeezed me.
But by then she was ready for me,
Round two, I wasn't bout to lose.
Slipped inside her with a pleasured groan,
Proceeded to fuck her,
Over the edge of the bed.
And she fucked back.
I pushed inside and she pushed back,
Sucking me in till the climax.
Titties flipping in circular motions
Mesmerizing me to stroke harder.
I came harder than ever before.
Knees week, I sank to the floor
Eye to lips with her dripping pussy.
It was worth the moment of laughter,
Worth Every bit.

Fisted

she wanted me
to fist her.
she said she wanted
to feel pain.

I balled my hand.
punched her in the face.
put her in a coma.
pain. pure pain.

fellatio at the fridge


there ain't nothing like it
walking through the apartment in the morning sun
butt naked in the cross-breeze with a book in my hand
a blowjob on my mind and a semi hanging
at just the right height
to brush past the handle on the kitchen cupboard
the broken one
shaped like angelina's lips


if only i had more broken handles just like it


there's a shortage of women these days
who are adept in the art of giving good head
an old art form misplaced
somewhere between free love and girl power


a lost generation girl with intuition
and an open mouth begging to be fucked


in between the moans and groans
she's figured out all the right angles of dangles
yielding to the axis of my thrusting bone
the way she presses my cock against the roof of her mouth
like she's melting fudge that's stuck hard to a spoon
sucking it off with the warmth of her kiss


but those days are long gone, my brother


now there's the next generation
a cock sucker that really does suck
perhaps much harder than she should


i blame her father for dropping his pants on natural selection


for a poor girl disinherit of lips
relies too heavily on holding a fist
and stabbing away like she's murdering her ex
instead of working the tongue
to entice the cock down the back of her neck


such trending tendencies are hard to buck
with hammer fist fellatio all the rage on pornos and sex tapes
viral tuition for virgin mouths
learning bad habits from pornstars with meager talent


and it doesn't matter how long
i try to ram it into their heads
some of them just don't get it


giving great head is an art that every female should endow


and so i peer down at a flock of dizzy birds
frolicking outside my kitchen window
with little angelina agape
and my hips slamming into her drawers


such carnal bliss
when she grazes my cock on the edge of her lips
and those poor dizzy birds oblivious
to the glory unleashed from the nine heavens above


if only i had more broken handles just like it




Written by Alexander Case

Now this here made me laugh

https://soundcloud.com/craicdealer/mouse-song-two-mixdown

less sexy, more laugh, doesn't quite meet the criteria as such so just looking for somewhere to park

..its *Buskin Mouse' parody of some song.

* character from Ministry of Craic radio show  


oh dear what can the matter be
I've had a hard-on since sometime last saturday
it was there just draining my blood away
I thought I was going to die

I went to the doctor and said I was troublin'
he took one look and he sent me to Dublin'
and when I got there the nurses were hoverin'
tryin' to gift me relief

a consultant she stood back in sheer admiration
and said, I'll give you some heavy sedation
to help you through your transformation
and I didn't know what she meant

I'll be back Lsp. ")

Thanks for the entries thus far ... Exactly what I'm looking for.  Zazzles do join the fun.

Custard and Creme

You know what you do to me.

You're my lollipop, my Big Stix popsicle,
the bear claw oozing jam that stains my fingers.  

The sweet, the sour, and the sticky
in my Cantonese takeout rice.

You're a bad boy, the way you influence me,
the way I let you. And yes, we both know

the kind of diabetic I am
but a girl can still crave, can't she?

Oh I'll show you when you
get home from work,

and don't forget the radish sprouts from
Whole Foods on the way back, my pet.

Simply put, I place my sack against the curves upon her back, she bucked and jerked, she tugged and pulled, she squirmed and rolled, but I held on with desires hold.
We danced a dance of death it seemed,  chasing down each other's dreams, she screamed and begged, I turned her head, then tied her legs on a dirt bed. A horse without a name I claimed.

Sex Kitten and the Geek

She purrs and she slinks in circles
observing the fit of his clothes,

as much in awe of he, as the
bespectacled scholar is of she.

Their orbits intersect at odd angles
compelling them to eye each other
with a distance-enhancing foreplay.

She curls round him to listen, more by
feeling his heat than to learn, yet his
words are more than she bargains for.

Taking in the scent she relays,
he tells of his programming tasks

complying with curves of intent,
responding in kind to her signals:

I've added to what you might get,
changing all of the places I'd cast.

The parameter's a small structure,
the second being a pointer.

She blinks at him, looking askance;
Why yes sir, please, do tell me more.

He goes on: To an interface, extracting
messages without doing one receive call.

Her voice goes all breathy,
You don't really mean!

He nods, I do indeed, and I hope
I am clear, if I may continue, my dear.

She sucks on her tongue and smiles
at the blush on his cheeks,

We seem to have two separate issues;
the root cause, an iteration data-set
that exceeds a preset maximum string,

and that isn't the only thing.

The body of his comely guest is
writhing all over his station
while he tries to stay focused at best.

Excitement grows with each gasp that
escapes from her heaving chest.

Please tell me all that you know,
the font of your mind enraptures me so!

He licks his lips, his brain a-spin: With your
permission then, if I may start again.

A Soft Inch in The Middle

I've had a problem lately, to which I sought a cure,
It may be caused by wanking but I can’t be really sure,
It doesn't hurt or bother me when I go for a piddle,
But when I get a hard-on there’s a soft inch in the middle,

Both ends are hard as granite which really is perplexing,
The bugger droops and won’t insert Oh god that’s bloody vexing,
My missus howls with laughter when it folds itself in two,
No matter how I push and prod I still can’t get to screw,

I went to see my doctor a fine upstanding girl,
She said drop your trousers blocat boy, I’ll give the thing a twirl,
She stroked it and she poked it her hand in rubber glove,
Both ends went hard, the middle lard and I wanted to make love,

I’ve never seen the like of this and I’ve been a doctor since last March,
So she put a poultice on it and sprinkled it with starch,
Try not to wank for seven days and give it time to heal,
Then bring it back a week today and I’ll have another feel,

So back I went with the sole intent of giving her a fucking,
But the problem wouldn’t go away, not even with her sucking,
She said she’d looked a cure up and by rule of thumb,
It probably would get hard again if I stuck it up her bum,

The moment that it touched her arse the thing went hard as rock,
I didn’t have a condom so I stuffed it in me sock.
We bonked all round the surgery ‘til we fell against the door,
We crashed through in mid screw and landed on the floor,

The patents in the waiting room all stared in disbelief,
To see the doctor and myself getting our relief,
We're in court tomorrow and we’ve vowed to tell the truth,
That it was only therapy and I’ll show my cock for proof!

I begged for anal to make me stay
Told her I wouldn't stray
She said yes and I felt the blood
I've been waiting for this I knew she would
I never knew she had another plan
Expecting me to try it with her friend a gay man
I got excited and got out the lube
Then in she walked with a dude