deepundergroundpoetry.com
Contour
Torn between the right and just
both go left toward endless dust
the abominating shrill of a selfless cry
breaks vanity's clock in a heinous devise.
Swept up stupidly in
those wings of loose feathers
tattering against the gale
my journeyman's caw.
somewhere, the tolling calls
far echoing through peaks and pits
the crevice of my mind exalts
writhing in subtle fear.
I kiss the dirt fervently
discharge myself in neutrality
and silence my thoughts
as I return to dust.
But what of the right and just?
what of pride and lust?
merely concepts on the doorsteps
of tragedy's white lie.
both go left toward endless dust
the abominating shrill of a selfless cry
breaks vanity's clock in a heinous devise.
Swept up stupidly in
those wings of loose feathers
tattering against the gale
my journeyman's caw.
somewhere, the tolling calls
far echoing through peaks and pits
the crevice of my mind exalts
writhing in subtle fear.
I kiss the dirt fervently
discharge myself in neutrality
and silence my thoughts
as I return to dust.
But what of the right and just?
what of pride and lust?
merely concepts on the doorsteps
of tragedy's white lie.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
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comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Contour
4th Apr 2013 11:34am
I can definitely feel this one. A great write and expressed so well 13. :)
1
re: Re: Contour
4th Apr 2013 1:06pm
thanks M... a very old write really... submitted it to a magazine... that has apparently stopped working :P
so i thought i might as well get some reviews out of it :D
so i thought i might as well get some reviews out of it :D
Re: Contour
4th Apr 2013 2:48pm
I dig this write, but i like the second from last stanza
"I kiss the dirt fervently
discharge myself in neutrality
and silence my thoughts
as I return to dust. "
great words
well done 13
"I kiss the dirt fervently
discharge myself in neutrality
and silence my thoughts
as I return to dust. "
great words
well done 13
1
Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 00:21am
Right and just .. they ever wait somewhere, just beyond the point they should and when they might they never come, not in the way a good god would .. enjoyed!
1
re: Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 11:35am
true... in today's corruption they can be bought and sold just as simply as commodities... i doubt god saw this coming... lol
Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 2:02am
.
.
into the swirl of it..
though your first stanza had me trippin over what eye could truly accept
guess need to re-familiarize my vocab
- i'd lose that "and" in the first line (read to me like a bump-in-da-road)
&
- is that really "devise" ..idk
give that 2nd stanza a thick black brocade cape, then ride out!
horseback or harley.. no matter
like nikkimoe, eye liked that 4th stanza (my fav of the drop)
this piece to me was more so medium & rare than well done..
still-a-fan
.
.
into the swirl of it..
though your first stanza had me trippin over what eye could truly accept
guess need to re-familiarize my vocab
- i'd lose that "and" in the first line (read to me like a bump-in-da-road)
&
- is that really "devise" ..idk
give that 2nd stanza a thick black brocade cape, then ride out!
horseback or harley.. no matter
like nikkimoe, eye liked that 4th stanza (my fav of the drop)
this piece to me was more so medium & rare than well done..
still-a-fan
.
1
re: Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 11:35am
re: re: Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 3:39pm
.
.
food for thought? ...justa a lil' nibble one-three
ya know being critical is iffy bizness
nice when ppl take it well
ur welcome
still-a-fan
.
.
food for thought? ...justa a lil' nibble one-three
ya know being critical is iffy bizness
nice when ppl take it well
ur welcome
still-a-fan
.
1
Re: Contour
5th Apr 2013 7:33pm
"somewhere, the tolling calls
far echoing through peaks and pits
the crevice of my mind exalts
writhing in subtle fear."<---Goodness, if I had a penis Id probably have a hard-on! That stanza was just that awesome. ;)
Entire poem is Amazing! I'm gonna enjoy your pen!:)
far echoing through peaks and pits
the crevice of my mind exalts
writhing in subtle fear."<---Goodness, if I had a penis Id probably have a hard-on! That stanza was just that awesome. ;)
Entire poem is Amazing! I'm gonna enjoy your pen!:)
1
re: Re: Contour
6th Apr 2013 2:39am
haha your figurative hard on is appreciated
the pen-is mightier than you think lol
mine... well idk... you tell me ;) :P
many thanks rain
the pen-is mightier than you think lol
mine... well idk... you tell me ;) :P
many thanks rain
Re: Contour
Anonymous
7th Apr 2013 9:51pm
I love this! X&O
1