deepundergroundpoetry.com
The darkness of death
Death in my mind
Thorn in my side
Pain I will hide
Taking my time
Waiting in lines
Making me cry
Wondering why
I watch you lose
With your body's moves
With the sky's tombs
Starting life outside the womb
You always thought life was cruel
Then let's see what death does to you
Thorn in my side
Pain I will hide
Taking my time
Waiting in lines
Making me cry
Wondering why
I watch you lose
With your body's moves
With the sky's tombs
Starting life outside the womb
You always thought life was cruel
Then let's see what death does to you
Published 3rd Apr 2013
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likes 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Apr 2013 3:39am
Very good written, love the poem. I can fell the pain inside like a limbo of death
Anonymous
3rd Apr 2013 3:43am
Hmm, not bad. Not bad rhymes either, although, might i suggest, try free verse and other types of poetry. Sometimes it's fun to learn new ways :)
3rd Apr 2013 3:44am
4th Apr 2013 2:25am
great write, Kenneth. the heavy air of death and darkness is strongly felt in this one. you could loosen up a bit on the rhymes, though. still, a great write. Thank you.
Cheers
Train.
Cheers
Train.
4th Apr 2013 3:43am
