Nonsensical Ramblings

Escape was my only refuge in mind.
Yet, summits of obstacles were always in the way.
I turned my attention to the injections flowing through my blood.
Through my addiction, popularity came to me in onslaughts yet only through the rejects of insanity.

Through the hatred wreaking upon my psyche, I tried to place blame on any resource I could.
Gone was anything I thought worthwhile of saving.
My hands no longer knew how to hold you.
All alone, I let fate rule each breath, toying with the wasted life in its care.

Neighbors kept quiet to your cries for rescue.
I tried to comfort you, my mouth searching for a place on your skin that would take you away from the hell I threw you in.
You saw the girl destroyed in me.
I wasn't very original in my sins, but that didn't stop you from trying to save me.

You knew the end of me would be the end of you.
Curled up on the floor I was dying, and you couldn't understand why.
Long day, long night never ended for us.
I begged like a pathetic child for you to stay, my crazed whispers "my way home is through you" stopped you every time.


I would beg for the  poison, the venom that kept me high.
No one could stand in the way of my indulgence.
Just waiting to jinx myself, I let it decimate me time after time.
"Oh God baby, hurt me more" I'd moan as it rushed pleasure across my nerves, the same pleasure I wanted to give you.

For those moments you'd believe my lies, trying to gain back what you'd lost.
Lust blossomed in us then, lust formed of desperation.
You'd fuck me as hard as you could, trying to make me remember what it was like to truly feel.
But I didn't. Not even when I found out I was pregnant.

The smoke from the drags I took drowned out your pleads to save the baby from the monster that controlled me.
I put chains around your heart as you slapped me for daring to hurt the creation growing in my womb.
As the bulge grew, so did your fury.
Screaming at me why couldn't I love her enough?

I cried as I knew you both deserved better than me.
I couldn't stop. It felt too good to give up the pain.
I was breaking. And you knew it.
When she screams rip her out of my arms.
I'd just kill her anyway.