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Burnt Wood
We'd sit down the river, not far from the sea,
summerlong putting dents in million year old sand
full of bones and space. Always a fire
biggest we could conjure with driftwood
livewood, t-shirts and trees. Beer cooled
in the mighty, black water that sang
with the cracks and spits of flames.
Nothing was old. Not even the sand.
Flickering warm faces and cold backs.
As drunk as no tomorrows. If we were birds
we'd have forgotten how to fly and remembered
something better; the verve of stars
fucking on the ripples.
I still don't know what all that meant
but I know it meant everything
and always will. People are gone. Places gone.
Still peddling home in the dark
as the wind sheds the fire from my eyes.
Written by
MrAlptraum
(Mr A)
Published 27th Mar 2013
| Edited 1st Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 3
comments 13
reads 895
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Burnt Wood
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Mar 2013 10:03pm
27th Mar 2013 10:01pm
It's appropriate that this is in the spiritual category. When I read this, I was transported to days of camping in the woods with an open fire having a good smoke with various people that have visited my life. Aching melancholy. Higher sexuality. Happier climbs. Soul connections.
"If we were birds
we'd have forgotten how to fly and remembered
something better; the verve of stars
fucking on the ripples."
Right there. Love it.
"If we were birds
we'd have forgotten how to fly and remembered
something better; the verve of stars
fucking on the ripples."
Right there. Love it.
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re: Re: Burnt Wood
31st Mar 2013 9:13am
Glad I could open up some scars, it did for me to write it. Thank you as always, Missy.
Re: Burnt Wood
28th Mar 2013 5:21am
I have a couple little tiny thoughts that aren't worth shit....this is f'n great in my opinion...think you pretty much nailed what this is, and I think this is about as airy and unicorny as Mr.A is bound to get- and I savor it.
love that the million year old sand is brand new.
love it in general...time for me to shush
love that the million year old sand is brand new.
love it in general...time for me to shush
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re: Re: Burnt Wood
31st Mar 2013 9:21am
Unicorny. Corny. Eunuch horny.
Yeah you're probably right. Didn't sing about angels for a while. Glad you enjoyed it though. Appreciate the enthusiasm, thanks again, lb.
Yeah you're probably right. Didn't sing about angels for a while. Glad you enjoyed it though. Appreciate the enthusiasm, thanks again, lb.
...
28th Mar 2013 10:34am
That 'mighty, black water' reminds me of reading Faulkner, and the vast landscapes in his novels. I think I'd clip 'harmoniously' off the end of that line; it's a good word there, but I think just 'sang' on it's own shouts out bold the way the water does, whereas harmoniously adds a decorative trickle of something.
Agree with the bit Missy picked out - 'something better' has a warm settling home-y feel to it, the way some animals shuffle themselves down into a sitting place. And I like how the 'if' suggests a flight away from that, after it all.
Agree with the bit Missy picked out - 'something better' has a warm settling home-y feel to it, the way some animals shuffle themselves down into a sitting place. And I like how the 'if' suggests a flight away from that, after it all.
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re: ...
Man, you're right. That word is pointless there. Thanks. :)
Seems you liked it, and I like that. Cheers for the sharpeye and comment, Merderer.
Seems you liked it, and I like that. Cheers for the sharpeye and comment, Merderer.
Re: Burnt Wood
28th Mar 2013 12:13pm
"forgotten how to fly and remembered
something better;"
sweet rite, (a poom that hits something,anything, qualifies literally as a rite. see?)
ye gots a 'special way' wit melancholy....must
be one'a them senti'mental things....shit,i'dunno)
something better;"
sweet rite, (a poom that hits something,anything, qualifies literally as a rite. see?)
ye gots a 'special way' wit melancholy....must
be one'a them senti'mental things....shit,i'dunno)
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re: Re: Burnt Wood
Then I qualified by a nose, but no more.
Yeah mental sounds about right, and I should worry, but I need to vacuum first. Thankya kindly, saxman.
Yeah mental sounds about right, and I should worry, but I need to vacuum first. Thankya kindly, saxman.
Re: Burnt Wood
28th Mar 2013 9:42pm
re: Re: Burnt Wood
31st Mar 2013 9:29am
Re: Burnt Wood
1st Apr 2013 5:09pm
re: Re: Burnt Wood
2nd Apr 2013 9:25am
re: re: Re: Burnt Wood
2nd Apr 2013 3:34pm
im almost at the point where going back is just the same as suicide... so not thinking about that much :P
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