starch

I like the format and style in this one, also very well spaced for readability. Paints a haunting picture in my mind of a murdered pilots' seat..speaks so much to me. well penned.

awesome, so glad it worked in those ways for you Miki... I thank ya kindly for reading and leaving your thoughts

I think I said this somewhat yesterday, but fuck it. I am going to say it again. lol When I read this style of post-modernism poetry (and I have read a lot of it over the years lol) If I do not hear an individual original "voice" in it, honestly ?

It bores the fuck out of me.

LB I have actually went reading through about 15 writers trying to pick up your "voice" in their work, even a hint of it.

I can't ...

That is a feat my friend, and a damn good one.

I despise cliches. Too many years of reading too much.

You are no cliche. Even if you do something technically I don't agree with, I can easily get over it when I read you.

Don't ever let anyone take that from you. :)

cheese n crackers Maggie, blushing out loud I am.

I couldn't be happier that you hear that (my) voice so clearly...especially because:
well, in much of my writing lately I have been simplifying a lot, and trying to clarify a personality behind a voice, hopefully having something interesting to say in almost a story style.....here though, I took a simple little idea I had and took like the most complicated course in explaining it. gives me a chance to explore and tighten up structural ideas, and was much freer with exaggerating the phrasing to sound good... so thrilled that this voice carries a bit for you through the different approaches.
thank ya so much m'dear.

oh, don't ever hesitate to drop me notes or thoughts on the technical aspects, with the experience you bring im sure you could lead me to certain places I want to get to, more quickly...save me some work wouldn't cha?

ok...  *smirks*

I love the fact you do not shy away from intricate language. Blue is blue, is fucking blue. As a reader, you almost always give me something that identifies that specific blue you are talking about. To eliminate the abstract in such minimal pieces is some good stuff in my opinion. I think this is an intricate part of your voice, and for someone like me who finds most of that bare bones shit boring, you open up a world I might dismiss.

The only consistent nit I have with your writing LB is your structure. The dribbling effect of it as I call that form requires I read you several times to catch your full intent. In other words it hinders for me.  

Now does it everybody ? Probably not. lol But it does me. Something to think about Hun ;)

 

most definitely something to think about...grouping my ideas and presenting them the way I hear them is a huge focus for me, so very much appreciate you saying something...hmmm dribbling effect, I think I know what you mean, I will certainly try to be more aware of that

anytime you see a specific example or could offer suggestions on structure, for sure fire em at me...

thank ya much Ms. Maggie

I am working on something new, been working on it for months, and I am having issues with structure on this one myself (among other things lol)
 
For me LB structure serves only two main purposes -
 
1. To create the natural breaths where I stop reciting.  
 
2. To help eliminate punctuation, which I hate fucking with
 
An example would be where commas are put to define the thoughts or lines, I often use line breaks.  
 
This helps set the rhythm of the piece as well, improving it from the "Sound" perspective.  
 
All this requires is to read your pieces out loud as you write.  
 
You will be amazed at how this simple little "trick" gets rid of those pissy ass problems that if you let them accumulate will really screw up a poem.  
 
I call that structure "dribble" not because I am being mean, but because of water. When reading out loud I naturally take a slight pause at every line break much like water coming out of a faucet. Imagine how many of those pauses are created when you have lines with only one or two words in them ?  
 
See what I mean ? it halts the piece, making it almost stuttery droplets.  
 
I am hoping that is a little more clarifying Hun :)

oh absolutely...I got what you meant by dribble, and it makes sense to me. I always read out loud, and get it to a point where it sounds right when projected aloud....but, and a big ol but, is that I struggle, and am constantly working on, is writing what I am hearing so the reader hears the same...breaks and punctuation  are certainly ways I try to do this, and is what keeps me editing....the damned readers don't always read it right, ya know...hahaha, thanks for the dialogue, and never ever worry about offending me even a little (smiley face)

Unique poem, with strength underlying.
Everything in this piece is undeniably
clever, my favorite section:

the unasked for
insistence on,
aphrodisiac  
 
and  
 
poison.



Very well written :)

Ah scribbler very kind of you to say, amd much appreciated.
That clever thing can so horribly fall on its face, quite happy to hear that it worked for ya