TAINTED SELF ANALYSIS

            
   
   
a decade dedicated    
   
to secret decadence  
   
a sinister addiction    
   
some would say  
   
now decaying in mind    
   
and flesh    
   
even in abstinence    
   
if three days    
   
can constitute abstinence  
   
yet in that space  
   
i can hardly wait    
   
to stain  
 
and stain again  
   
its a small world    
   
full of complex    
   
experience  where  
   
trials are tried    
   
and trails are trod  
   
yet like a blessing    
   
in disguise  
   
my days are    
   
numbered now  
   
yet aside    
   
from that fear  
   
its certainty is    
   
also  as much    
   
a relief  
   
as each night    
   
falls like some    
   
vast  dark ocean  
   
pulled by moon    
   
tides up over me  
   
as i slowly  
   
dissolve  away
 
beyond    
   
its subtle    
   
passing borders  
   
where all my cruel    
   
self judgments here  
   
are gently  
   
drowned away  
   
in gentle    
   
rythymic layers  
   
of long awaited  
   
though only  
   
temporary  
   
sweet sleep s  
   
much too brief  
   
relief