Heartstrings

I put it in my mouth
This stick of my death
I laugh at the thought
As I light it up

The first plume of smoke rises
Into the starry night air
And I begin to think
On all the strings

The strings I’ve set
And those in my heart
Those strings that control
And those that are love

At first it was easy
Making puppets of them all
Pulling their strings
To get what I want

When we ended
The puppets cut there strings
They left me
Left me all alone

Then I realized
Those strings had hooked
Hooked themselves deep
Deep in my heart

Those strings were cut
But the hooks remained
Until one by one
The puppets returned

They pulled their strings
And took the hooks out
Leaving holes in my heart
Leaving loneliness

In it all I see
My loneliness is mine
It was always my fault
A blot on my plan

I’ve lost the trust
Of all I hold dear
And of all those new
They don’t even see me

So again I laugh
Because I’ll try
I’ll always be
The way I am

So as I look at the sky
Kiss this cigarette goodnight
I turn to the darkness
Turn to sleep

The only problem is
As I fall into a dream
The happy nightmares begin
“To see your face but never touch again”