deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Love For You
My love for you is like a shadow
You won't see it but you know
It's there wherever you want to go
And whatever you like to do.
My love for you is always true.
It's never boring and it's bright blue.
It's clear as the blue sky above
Flying with instant jolt like a dove.
My love for you is like a rainbow
Green, blue, orange , indigo, yellow...
Colours that capture your God's given beauty
And whoever sees the rainbow, will cry for joy.
My love for you is simple, but not simpler.
My love for you is just plain, yet so powerful.
My love for you that soars high and higher
Into the sky full of wonderful colours.
Written by : Alon Calinao Dy
You won't see it but you know
It's there wherever you want to go
And whatever you like to do.
My love for you is always true.
It's never boring and it's bright blue.
It's clear as the blue sky above
Flying with instant jolt like a dove.
My love for you is like a rainbow
Green, blue, orange , indigo, yellow...
Colours that capture your God's given beauty
And whoever sees the rainbow, will cry for joy.
My love for you is simple, but not simpler.
My love for you is just plain, yet so powerful.
My love for you that soars high and higher
Into the sky full of wonderful colours.
Written by : Alon Calinao Dy
Published 17th Mar 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Mar 2013 2:30pm
Comment on the first stanza, you seemed to force the last rhyme... and go and do do not sound alike, go is a long o and do is a short o. Though besides that, I'd say the stanza is a good one for a start. Keep it up.
The second stanza is a good one too, except one comment on your use of the rhyme "bright blue". Its a good stanza, don't get me wrong, but blue seems to be an odd choice for a subject to contrast boredom. Specially bright blue, being not that lively at all (I don't know, maybe its just me).
Third stanza, a good stanza too. Clever use of colors there, though the third line lost the rhyme scheme you were using.
I'd suggest more effort in conveying whatever it is that compelled you to write this piece. A good piece, but I'm sure this would've been better if you poured all your heart into it.
The second stanza is a good one too, except one comment on your use of the rhyme "bright blue". Its a good stanza, don't get me wrong, but blue seems to be an odd choice for a subject to contrast boredom. Specially bright blue, being not that lively at all (I don't know, maybe its just me).
Third stanza, a good stanza too. Clever use of colors there, though the third line lost the rhyme scheme you were using.
I'd suggest more effort in conveying whatever it is that compelled you to write this piece. A good piece, but I'm sure this would've been better if you poured all your heart into it.
