Escape

As I bent over, out of breathe, looking hastily behind me, I cannot bear to run anymore.
I am out of breathe, my body aching from unfitness, sour throat, sinking lungs.
All I wanted to do was escape, get away from my fears and insecurities.
No matter where I go, how many life lines have been thrown to me, flown away, I can't seem to escape.
You know that small voice that overshadows all reasoning, all joyful emotions, SOMBRE,
that's what it tells you, insects in you.
Higher and higher you get in its voice, that poisonous pill that has your heart swell, heartbeat too fast,
a few more seconds before it explodes...



I black out, I'm running, I'm not.
I'm not me, I am me but me is not I, for I understand me but somehow me enslaves I and locks me up.
I am indecisive, I am suffocating, exactly the way this poem seems lost, so am I,
for I cannot escape my evil mind, my biggest enemy.

It tells me all I'm doing is wrong, I was not meant to be loved, no not love, but loved in a way that others are.

I am not to be embraced, remembered or valued, I do my part, appreciated and pushed back
into my dark corner of self loathe, disappointments and well, loneliness.
My biggest companion, most faithful to me.

You see loneliness has taught me to not be afraid of being alone, to love it and accept it,
for it to be my peace, in all this turmoil, I have to embrace what controls me, breaks me.
It's my light.

Yes this is an emo poem but I do not have a troubled life, I have a very fortunate life,
never suffered much, my parents made sure of that, treated me like a princess
but made sure to instill in me all morals and value.
I experienced my first failure at the age of 20 and have a infinite relationship with Jesus,
but not all is well when the one thing that holds me down is my own doing, my creation, my cells, oh brain.

So come by me, biggest delightful smile i will wear. For if I cannot escape, I should embrace that my peace is the gift granted of my inability to escape the quiet.