Little story

It's so cold.
When I cry I start to freeze.
It hurts so much for my heart to beat, when I'm in that state. 
I can only dream.
That things will get better.
Find that place in my head where I'm truly happy.
When it seems like I don't care.
Don't blame yourself, It's only me and what I've become.
I look fine but I'm not really.
But a lot of people hide what they are really feeling.
To please everyone else.
To be someone their not.
Just so other people wont talk and hate them.
Is that really what this world has come to?
Honestly, I don't give a shit about what other people think.
But my friends and my family.
It's kind of a different story I guess.
But they support me on whoever I'm going to be.
If they didn't I'd tell them their place.
But I only hide things from them.
Because I know they don't like seeing me sad so I just be happy.
I guess...
Until on day, I have a breakdown.
And go completely insane.
I actually crave for that day.
At least then.
It will all be out there.
I'll feel better afterwards.
I'll tell you a little story...
In 2008 I was honestly about to give up on everything.
It was so hard.
But then came along a girl.
And you know a girl can change your whole life.
Well she did.
I was happy for a while.
Till we would fight every single day.
I still thought it was love though.
I should have known better.
It lasted about 9 months.
When we broke.
I've never felt so alone.
When surrounded by loads of friends and family.
I'll be honest that pain was unbelievable.
The type of pain I don't ever want to feel again.
I changed a bit after that...
About a month after I started seeing another girl.
I wont lie she was great.
Would do anything for me.
But I broke her.
Just like the first girl broke me.
I had passed on the hurt.
I now have no contact with her at all...
But then....
I had found love within my best friend.
Lily....I'm with her still to this very day.
Although it's a bit hard because not many people want us together.
I'm unsure of why.
She makes me so happy.
I may be unstable but I'm not weak.
I'm still fighting for her.
She told me it's going to work.
God I hope so.
Because she means more to me then any other girl.
I told her that we are only young.
And if something was to happen between us.
I'm not one to get back together with them.
But for her.
Somewhere, sometime in the future.
I'd love to be with her again.
Because I know if something happened.
And we didn't see each other for years.
Then some how ran into each other.
It would all start again.
That's the power she holds over me.

Lily, I really do honestly and truly.
From the top,bottom,side to side of my heart.
Love you with everything I've got to offer.