Wasted youth

Is this a life worth living?
I have one thing going for me, and that is my wife.
She cares for me.
Aside from that,
I have done nothing with my life.
I fucked up time after time after time.
My life has been a series of mishaps from a very young age. "You're going to end up in prison by the time you're 18!!"
The words of encouragement to a ten year old boy.
I really had a lot going for me. People really cared.
The words echoed within my adolescent mind.
They resonated and stand as a scar upon my 30 year old mind.
The only happy memory from childhood that I retain, is my birthday party at chuckie cheese. When I was 7.
The rest of my childhood memories consist of my parents yelling at me (emotional damage to a hyper active child).
The constant feeling from age 8, of being zombified from a constant cocktail of antipsychotics, and adhd medication, and bi-polar medication (really? Bi-polar? How can you determine that at age 8?) What happened to letting a kid be a kid?
Rather than medicating a child to the point of stripping his youth, why not let him be a kid?!
Robbed of my youth, I grew up with a twisted, fucked up view on the world.
I was an innocent child.
What did I know.
My memories consist of me being yelled at, police, guns drawn on our house looking for my dad because "he was a bad guy", and profanity and drug use and the like.
My view on the world was twisted askew from a very young age.
Please forgive me if every once in a while,
I have a lapse of sanity and forget my sound thought.
Sometimes, when I break down, it's a cry for help, longing to be reminded that, some one loves me. That someone cares enough to ask this wasted youth, "What's wrong?" Enough to say "I love you. Please, talk to me. What can I do to help?"
The child deep inside is crying. Screaming for help.
Crying out for solice from his agony.
When a child cries out you run to help!
No one ever came to help the tortured child I left behind.
And still, when this child cries out, he remains at his own devices, to figure out this cruel world.
I married the woman of my dreams, and feel deep regret when I realize that I didn't realize enough to be able to tell her, that this lost innocence,  my wasted youth, left over child was part of the packaged deal.
I feel like less of a man, when she is the one left to deal with a broken child, because the man she married takes a step from reality to lick his wounds because as a child, he wasn't taught to deal.
To cope with the big, bad world. Then when the man she married, steps back, he's left to deal with what the child broke.
"Wasted youth."
The phrase that defines a broken man. Me.
For the child, as a man I apologise.
And as a child, to my parents I apologise.
To my wife, thank you for your patience, and I truly am sorry that you are left to deal with a medicated, troubled youth when shit gets tough.
I, the adult, will work hard on correcting the transgressions of my younger years.
You, love, are a saint.
It's not right that you should be stuck raising a child that my parents should have raised.
I will work on staying one with reality.
I will be the man you need to be.
I love you and appreciate all that you are.
From the depths of my soul, I am sorry for the physical lashing. From the depths of my soul, I am sorry for my childish actions.
I love you. Forever and ever..