Suicide Notes

Writing my poems, poems that read like suicide notes to my peoples and parents.
Or it could be seen as juvenile hopes that my notes/letters,
are accepted in heaven,
As a plea for a plea deal. That I may be freed before the end
of my current life sentence

I seen too much to move forward, see.
And I've done too much to go back either,
Too many things clog my port of thinking.
Some my own fault and others not so much, I mean,
Like the apple that forced the Genesis out of Eden,

Something so small, resulted in all Spawn and seed born into this lineage.
Being forced to Bear the cross of deceased fore-fathers.
So this is a second cross for me, which I must,
Carry atop my own burdens and struggles
Knees and heave alone will not suffice
Even if one cross wasn't even mine to start with

I mean,

Even when you come up a Phoenix...
On the cusp of succeeding...
You will ultimately get clapped back, and Burned to the third power, scorched down to ashes.
For whatever reason. the reason is irrelevant,
Cause The outcome still stands prevelant.

See they say life's a bitch...

This is her game and she wins.
Fortune favors the brave? Maybe....
blow the dice and play the table,
Each foul hand dealt only preceeds a worse one than your neighbors.
Leave broke with only the skin on your back to take home.
Defeated, hopeless left to console the remnants of your broken soul...Alone...
Having gambled and sold half your soul.

Yeah Lifes a bitch they say.

Where is her love?
That's a mystery I often wonder.
Lord knows, For her favor I'd bleed it in blood!
Even when you do, in return one receives less than none!?!

Laying crippled from the losses,
Trying to escape to the obvious,
Intoxicating myself with sorrow to dilute my haunted conscience,
Slipping deeper with each swing of the bottle.
Sorrow drunk, Staggering awkwardly Trying to see my way forward.
Vision adjusting to the proportions of ever expanding problems.

Greed and lust overpowers my judgment often
And offers sure and convincing promises.
And I listen, Desperation clouding level headed thought patterns now.
Seeing no way out,
You give in and Bow down...
To these false promises, head hollow.
Close your eyes and swallow...

these promises like a birth control pill.

Feeding the ills of your flesh and blood with lust just for the moment, but unknowingly killing,
The seed of life within the womb of your heart.
Which art,
The Morals, impregnated deep in your essence and your God given right,
to Righteousness.

The pill aborts all ability to part right and wrong,
along a divide or boarder.
like moses parted the dead seas waters.

Sobering up,
In the morning remembering and regreting the things I done.
Skulls and cross bones fill up the closet,
Unburied corpses flirt and fuck one another.
Till my secrets fall pregnant and give birth to others.
Increasing in numbers, Claustrophobic. How much longer will they stay locked up I wonder.

Embryonic second thoughts sweating,
Growing in momentum.
Ploting an escape passage,
From their deep mind dwelling,
Slowly Manifesting
into a hesitant, stuttering action.

Having written so many letters to olympus in vain
This blade will now write my message across these vains
The chill of cold water engulfs my naked body in the tub, laying
Passive till my blood stains

And Changes
the colour of Every last atom of the water in which my already, semi, corpse lay.