deepundergroundpoetry.com
know your place
It's morning again
and the dead rocks of this city
hiss in the rain.
The cold rain
inspires these hands
to pale, desensitize, stiffen
to match my mind.
My mind could use
a snap. Anything to resuscitate it.
I'd take an explosion. Defibrillation.
The world seems
like it just doesn't want
gray. I'd settle for black.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Maybe it wants to be gray
while wanting more.
Perhaps
I'll try to
fly today.
These decaying rocks
bruise my stiff hands
anyway.
Tomorrow
will be
azure skies,
floating, sailing.
The backdrop
will always be gray.
* written in response to miki's "complete the thoughts..." thread. *
and the dead rocks of this city
hiss in the rain.
The cold rain
inspires these hands
to pale, desensitize, stiffen
to match my mind.
My mind could use
a snap. Anything to resuscitate it.
I'd take an explosion. Defibrillation.
The world seems
like it just doesn't want
gray. I'd settle for black.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Maybe it wants to be gray
while wanting more.
Perhaps
I'll try to
fly today.
These decaying rocks
bruise my stiff hands
anyway.
Tomorrow
will be
azure skies,
floating, sailing.
The backdrop
will always be gray.
* written in response to miki's "complete the thoughts..." thread. *
Published 22nd Feb 2013
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22nd Feb 2013 6:56am
good job here Mike, seen this on a thread, was hoping you'd post it.
your choice of words are sound, though if it were mine I'd think of a different word to end the first with. normally, if there weren't the restraint of the comp, I'd have ran with it:
"and the dead rocks of this city
hiss in the rain,the cold rain, the driving rain" or something like that.
maybe use some more line breaks.
still, well worth the posting man , hat tip to ya.
your choice of words are sound, though if it were mine I'd think of a different word to end the first with. normally, if there weren't the restraint of the comp, I'd have ran with it:
"and the dead rocks of this city
hiss in the rain,the cold rain, the driving rain" or something like that.
maybe use some more line breaks.
still, well worth the posting man , hat tip to ya.
22nd Feb 2013 7:19am
Yeah, some of the lines aren't what I would have done in an unrestrained situation, but then again without the prompts I doubt I would have written anything like it anyway. Now that it's here though and not in a comp I may tweak it a bit, the first stanza in particular. I'm not thrilled with the repetition of rain/rain, so I'm glad you picked up on that weak spot, even if from a different angle. Thanks for the input man, always appreciated.
