oddly enough

He said it
while gazing
at his room
"this is just
the one
last time"
as he forced and
slid the needle
into his arm
and he knew
deep down
it wasn't

and so
he pushes
down the lever
and forgets
about her
and the camping
and the planes
and everything
that isn't
this one
last time

he tells
that lie
to everyone

like the lies
we tell ourselves
every day to get by

"This is okay."

"I love myself"

"I look pretty"

or the best
one yet
i believe

"We'll
do this,
one last time okay?
And thats it,
it'll stop. We're
done, just
this
one
last
time."

But they're lies,
like the steroid
injecting gym
junkie who
beats his girlfriend,
and says that
he's sorry,
it's the roids,
don't leave.
As he wipes
the blood
of her face
and kisses
her bruised
and bulbed
forehead
he swears
that he's sorry,
it's not him
it's the last
time it'll happen
and she knows
its going
to happen again
but every time
she leaves
its the same
thing,

and then
she becomes
the girl who
frivolously
slides that
blunt metallic edge
and dances
it across ivory
skin like
it was just
wet cardboard
chanting
after
each time
its just this
is the last.

The last time
she wants to
be able to
do that

to inflict pain
on herself
prepared
and on her own
accord








After the next,
but they
never say
that,
that truth
is too harsh