deepundergroundpoetry.com
Patient Love
We Teased
We Laughed
We Fought
We brought Love to each others daily thoughts
The highs were high
And lows were low
But my Love for you
Still always grows
Apart we are
But not for long
We both know
This Love is strong
Now hand in hand
Let's walk this land
And show each other
Love of the highest brand
So many times
I pushed and shoved
But what caught me
Is your Patient Love
We Laughed
We Fought
We brought Love to each others daily thoughts
The highs were high
And lows were low
But my Love for you
Still always grows
Apart we are
But not for long
We both know
This Love is strong
Now hand in hand
Let's walk this land
And show each other
Love of the highest brand
So many times
I pushed and shoved
But what caught me
Is your Patient Love
Published 18th Feb 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 4
comments 6
reads 1838
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Feb 2013 8:01am
Welcome Anton to the DUP. We are a crazy bunch, you'll love us.... I hope!
I am quite fond of this piece, you seem to capture the crazy little world the narrator is experiencing in a charming way... fun little ditty.
I was wondering would the last line of S1 not be smoother as two. I know it would ruin the four line setting through the rest of the piece, but I'm not sure it would matter.... just a question that really.
If this is where you starting friend, I expect to see some great things from you here...
Good luck with it and enjoy
Blue Skies at you
Al .
I am quite fond of this piece, you seem to capture the crazy little world the narrator is experiencing in a charming way... fun little ditty.
I was wondering would the last line of S1 not be smoother as two. I know it would ruin the four line setting through the rest of the piece, but I'm not sure it would matter.... just a question that really.
If this is where you starting friend, I expect to see some great things from you here...
Good luck with it and enjoy
Blue Skies at you
Al .
20th Feb 2013 4:25pm
Hi Al. Thank you for the feed back, I always appreciate it.
Now that I look at it, you are rite that I should have made it 2 words. Although I hate changing any poems I have posted, I will consider sticking to your advice when posting another poem with the same format.
I got a good feeling that i will have fun on this site.
Thanks again.
Now that I look at it, you are rite that I should have made it 2 words. Although I hate changing any poems I have posted, I will consider sticking to your advice when posting another poem with the same format.
I got a good feeling that i will have fun on this site.
Thanks again.
20th Feb 2013 8:33pm
24th Jun 2013 11:05pm
This was the frist poem I read on this site. It was beautifully written. Thanks for sharing. I love the style t flowed in. Brilliant.
24th Jun 2013 11:38pm
Thank you Ella. it is easier writing from experience and exploiting the emotions.
I like the sense of reality ("the highs were high / And lows were low") enriching the greater theme of romance. I also like the themes of strength and companionship. The rhythm felt a little weak in many areas.
