I Hate Wearing Purple

I hate wearing purple.
I hate sitting here, on the
Stairs, and trying to avoid
Your eyes. I pretend not to
Notice as you stroll up in
All black. I can hear your
Voice from across the
Hall talking to someone
Else about something else.
I would love to think about
Anything else at this moment.
I feel stupid all of a sudden,
Wearing my purple t-shirt.
I just want to be wearing a
Color that would show
How I'm feeling at this
Moment. Black would
Certainly work. I just
Don't have any at hand.
There is something about
You in black that makes me
Want to stop. Everything. I want
To fucking stop time and frame you
And put you up on my wall. I want to
Stop fucking breathing and believing that
Anything could ever be the same. It couldn't.
All I want is to cover up this purple fucking
Shirt that makes me look like a pretty little
Princess and burn it. I want to burn it to
Ashes and wear it again, because black
Is the only color that can suit how I'm
Feeling at this moment. I am feeling
You at this moment. I can feel your
Energy flowing in and out of me
Like electricity, though you
Will not even look at me.
Though you're like 15
Feet away from me.
I feel so pathetic.
I feel so empty.
I don't feel
Like me. I
Feel like I should
Hide myself in all black
And return to the shadows
So nobody will know how ugly
I am and what I have become. I
Want to get my father's favorite gun
And end all this suffering I always feel.
I don't want to feel it anymore. I don't want
To feel anything anymore. I want to smear on
Some black makeup and throw on everything I
Own that is the color of my soul. I want to be
A black hole. All I want is to not have to see
You looking so happy, yet so miserable,
In your black apparel. I can't even see
Anything else. I can't even be anyone
Else. All I am is a black hole. I just
Want you to know that I fucking
Hate the color purple. Nothing
Could so sharply contradict
My mood except the color
Of Lilacs. I am not some
Beautiful flower and
Nothing in this
World can
Change
That.




Except you. You used to make
Me feel happy. I almost felt
Pretty. I almost thought I
Mattered when I don't and
I never did. You are so good
At making me believe whatever
The Hell you want me to believe. You
Being in black almost suits you. It almost
Shows just how fucking cold you are to me.
You let me bleed. I thought you cared
About me but I was wrong, once again,
About you. Black does, and always will
Suit you. Purple is for the girls who smile
And mean it. I smile as a mask. I smile because
If I didn't you would know. I am burning alive
On the inside. This purple is killing me. I swear to
God this will be the end of me.
The end of me. The end of
Me. The end of me. The
End of me. The end of
Me. The end of me.
The end of me.
The end.