the tiger and the snake

Like the snake's coils, no wasted motion. You too have wasted nothing here, you've done wonderfully in keeping it clear, concise and fan-fucking-tastic.

Well done Atakti! :-)

I'm pleased you liked it, Evan. This is my first attempt at erotic.

:)

Ooh!

This one is shmoking!!!!!!

Great write

S

Thanks, tejean.  I appreciate your stopping by and the smokin' comment.

:)

You put me into battle ataki.

Well done and a good write!

Strider

Thanks, Strider, and good luck to us both.  :D

You have done a fine job at your first stab at erotica Atakti, tastefully sensual. :)

High praise from the Empress of Erotica! Thank you, Magdalena xx

A wonderfully penned first attempt at Erotica, Atakti. Loved the poem & thoroughly enjoyed the read! :)
Carlene

I'm glad you enjoyed it, Carlene, thanks for your kind words.  ;)

Atakti

I am liking this Hun. You have certainly stepped outside the box in terms of Erotica. I am clearly seeing the ideas of power play here, not necessarily kinky etc lol. Something more along the lines of having two dominants in bed with each other, and them basically fucking it out to see who the winner is. ;) Not a sedate type of passion.


In terms of critique ?

I have a suggestion for you. Read Sylvia Plath's " The Jaguar " Her piece deals with "the prowl" moreso than yours. But I think it might give you some pretty good ideas of what you want to focus in on, and what you might want to eliminate. Don't go copying her style. lol You have a very specific one here that suits. Simply read the piece, and let your mind wonder.

Secondly, while I like your verb choices, and some already do suggest erotic overtones. With a piece as "aggressive" as this, I would recommend a few ( not all ) be even a little more " in your face " The idea of incorporating a little urban jungle street language is appealing to me right now.

Hope that helps Hun. Thoroughly enjoyed this.

Now my husband needs to get his butt off the range !  lol ;)_

Maggie, many thanks for the time and your thoughts.  I really appreciate it.

I will look over your suggestions... looks like some more work may be needed!

:)

You have captured passion here.
And I absolutely love the first two lines,
they contrast wonderfully.
A beginning, a middle and an end.

Thanks, Joe!  I'm pleased you like it.