Mercy Kill Me Please ... Euthanasia

The conscious thoughts of an unconscious man

Writing for those who cant speak...

My accident happened so long ago
I was only 16
Yet I never recovered

I spend most of my time alone, in bed staring at the ceiling
at best I'm in a chair facing what ever direction I was placed in

I have daily visitors
Those who change my diaper, wash me up, and turn me every couple hours
aka Nurses aides
Those who crush my cup full of pills and deliver them down my peg tube
aka Nurses
Those who check the machine that keeps me breathing, and suction me every time I cough
aka Respiratory therapists
The doctor comes by once or twice a month just to bill my insurance

These workers go from room to room performing specific functions
Participating in torture by slowing death
Witnessing one horror after another
They're just doing their job

My parents come and see me every other weekend
I know my condition is slowly killing them
I wish they weren't going through this

My Mom asks "how's he doing today", as if looking at me doesn't speak volumes
I hear the nurse say " he's having a good day today"
Which means I am not running a temperature, and haven't had any seizures yet today

Its been years since the accident and I still haven't smiled or laughed
and sadly I never will

I am in constant agony and pain from the break down of my body
The bed sores are overwhelming, tearing me apart
My muscles, bones and ligaments have become deformed
I am contorted and stiff
I am a petri dish
Growing colonies of different bugs
Infection and disease has become my disgusting reality
Saying I'm uncomfortable is an understatement

It seems as though all the good things in life have been stripped from me, and the everyday pain is all I am left with

I should be tired from long nights out with friends
but instead I'm exhausted from neuro- storms, and energy sucking seizures that I endure on a regular basis
I should be out chasing girls and finding my identity but instead I'm fighting off pneumonias




Mom, when my accident first happened you said to the doctors " I want everything done, get my boy back"
At the time, it seemed like the right decision

We didn't know what "everything done" meant
We didn't realize I would never come off these machines
We didn't realize I would never speak again
We didn't realize I would never walk again
We didn't realize I would never eat again
We didn't realize I would never laugh again
We didn't realize I already died that day

If everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for us all, then Fuck God!
I want nothing to do with such a torturous cruel minded fuck
Please do not let religion play a part in decision making

I am angry that this happened to me believe me I am
I am sad that this happened to me believe me I am
I am most angry that I survived my accident and became false hope to you and dad
I love you guys and never imaged I would be the center of so much pain

There are far worse things than death, believe me
One torturous day in the life of me and would see
Life is over rated

I know you and dad love me mom
But why then do yous let me suffer
How can your denial have grown this deep
Cant you see that death is freeing, and much better than my so called life
How can you honestly even debate if I would want to continue to live like this

A tough decision is undermining what this is for you
Taking me, your son off life support is by far the toughest decision you will ever have to make
Its a shame you are put in the situation to make such a decision
But please think of me
Think of what I want
Think of what I go through every day

I am 24 years old now, and I am the furthest from happy I could possibly be
If this torture continues it is because of your inability to end my suffering
I know this is going to hurt you
But please don't be so greedy
This is about me

Please let me go
Please take me off this ventilator
Please disconnect my feeding tube
Please say good bye instead of "ill see you soon"
Please end my suffering
Please
Please do it for me