Purgatory Diaries,  Crawling Across the Desert Of Aching Lovers

Desert of aching Lovers
Another cold night awake on the couch
longing for the feel of her skin  against mine                                                                                                                                               aching with the gone again flu,
    morose with heartache I fell hard for you  too hard.            

                         4:14am
Now here I am without you at the end of it all. Alone and cold in Aurora, haunted by your ghost, I turn to a needle for comfort, I feed my resentments thru a hypodermic syringe, praying for a sudden death, or some other small proof of GOD.
  while walking across the broken glass desert of aching lovers, I dream of a loaded gun and the day the bird flys free,    
        I choke on the ashes of my dreams, with nothing to wash their taste from my mouth besides kerosene.  
                                       Gone are the days with the girl who carved her name into my heart,
                                           No longer shall I lounge, languidly beneath the sunshine of her lovers gaze,
    Never again wilI taste I Heaven as she envelopes my senses.      

11:01:33
A millenia
                   since the last time I heard you say "I love you"yet still your memory echoes in my
head, like the laughter of children
                                                   and your voice accompanied by the smell of rain
                                                                          in early September
Your smile  a lilac scented breeze, like the warmth of sunlight on my skin
A millenia or more of searching
                                                             until I'll see you again,
                                                                                                 and even then it wont be as it was
The river that we swam in in our youth, is frozen with the coldness of perpetual winter
                                                                       The fields in which we lay,
                                                            hidden in tall grass,  
                                                                                                    Have become barren
                                  The children no longer laugh, the rain has turned cold,
                                                                        the lilac scented breeze is thick with the smell of death,                                                   and the words "I love you" have no longer any meaning

11:23:03
              I lie awake,
     always awake, or at least Semi-conscious
                               Swimming in dreams
                    Memories, of you  like ash in my throat
The only truths I know are the ones carved into my bones
                                 I say a prayer
To the Fallen GODS of the TECHNO-NUCLEAR era
                                       their only response is Silence

As another truth
                                       Is carved into my bones, I can still taste your sweat



11:59:39
Her skin, like a whisper against mine, and all I want is to die in her arms.
I was fed on the promise of her love, nourished by our dreams of forever.
Fat and content I slumbered happily, warm in the blanket of her affection
Too soon I awoke, cold to the marrow of my bones, starving, and all to alive.
I reached for her, to find only empty space, the perfect curve of her hip a mirage
The Desert of Aching Lovers has played its cruel joke on me, has shown me a lie
I was decieved by this illusion, betrayed by my own wounded Heart,
The lies she spoke of the love she felt, echo mockingly thru the canyon walls
And I no longer can tell the knife from the wound, nor do I know Life and Death,
The only truths carved into my bones are LOSS and PAIN, GRIEF, and REGRET

12:19:00
Your name was written in the eyes of the Gods
                    Do you remember me? I was the first to kneel at your feet,
                                   To declare myself yours,
For eons I have waited to be incarated with you again,
                                       
I have walked across the Desert of Aching Lovers,
                                         tortured by your memory
Choking on the sands of time, still I crawled towards the sound of your voice.
                                         I know you, even with my eyes gouged out
By the thorns I battled to kneel at your feet. Do you not know me?
                                                   
I wrote your name across the sky in starlight,  
                                                           you called it Poetry
Because you called me Poet, our love became the sun,
                                                            giving warmth to the world
And when you vanished, my tears fell like rain, creating the oceans,