Senses signal...lost!

I hear, I feel, I see

yet I am deaf, numb and blind

to the calling of my Lord.

I cannot decipher what exactly I should do,

what is expected of me.



I know I am fighting against You,

a rebel, but why do i feel like it is right?

Like everything I am told on how to live in You

is not exactly how i should live,

like the path i am on is correct.



For I am sinking,

sinking in my own lies, not ready for ties.

One leg in, one leg out, not fully absorbed.

I want what I am adviced to run from

and at this moment in time, in my life

I feel as though I am alone.



I know You are there,

You are listening, feeling, watching

and even though it is as though You are in my heart

You seem but far away, watching me from a distant corner.

I know that this is of my own doing,

am I really that selfish, hopeless or will-hearted?



I just need to figure myself out

but with You in the picture at all times.

I hope you read the prayer inside this poem.