no communication

there are so many things
i want to say when you
walk in through the door
but it's been so long
since we communicated
my words just crumble to the floor

you'd rather i stay
silent to all you say and do
cause it's easier if i'm quiet
than if i respond to you

you worry about me constantly
no matter what i do
even if i tell you i'm ok
you don't believe it's true

you ask me if i love you
i say yes cause it's true
you ask if it is still the same
and i don't know
how to answer you
so, you always ask me
every time, you say,
"i love you,
do you love me,
and still the same way?"

i say, "yes i love you,"
you say,"that's all i need to know"
but there's so much more i want to express
but you don't want to listen
cause you got the
answer you wanted
you won't hear more,
or less

you ramble on to me
about your busy day
and i try to listen carefully
to every word you say
but i lose my concentration
and your words just
float away

then you get frustrated
and angry
cause i did not answer
a question or respond
the way you want me to
but i get so tired
of the ranter that
plays over and over in
my head
and i don't know how
to tell you i've heard nothing
of what you said
so, i just smile and nod
the way i always do
and apologize for not listening
the way you want me to

and i wonder how i got here
to this strange and
lonely place
where you prefer me
not to tell you
all the things that are
important to me
and where i sit and listen
to every thing you do
to that place where nothing
is important unless
it's all about you

and this makes me doubt myself
maybe i'm not smart enough
or clever enough for you
i've lost my ability
to communicate
effectively how i feel
and i am suddenly alone
thoughts just rushing through
my head
that i cannot let out
no matter how smoothly
they flow through my mind
once they hit my lips
the right words
i cannot find

so, we end up not
talking at all
you sit in front of the
idiot box watching
nothing on tv
and i sit away from you
staring into nothingness
trying to imagine myself
somewhere far away
which makes me sigh
without realizing
and you ask,
"why are you sighing that way?"
i tell you i'm just breathing

(which is sometimes hard to do,
cause i feel like i'm suffocating
in a world that's
all about you)