deepundergroundpoetry.com
haiku ii
darkness in the sky
it is not yet time for night
it's the devil's cloak
it is not yet time for night
it's the devil's cloak
Published 18th Aug 2010
| Edited 19th Aug 2010
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Anonymous
19th Aug 2010 8:56am
Decent evocation of twilight, the dreading of "the devil's cloak." I'd recommend replacing "it is" with just "it's," and putting a dash after "night." I'd love to see you write more haiku.
19th Aug 2010 9:03am
the only trouble with writing "it is" rather than its is that you lose the syllable flow it becomes 6 syllables instead of five.. thats the only rhythm of haiku i know 5-7-5 i know there are others and i would like to challenge myself and write more haikus.. do you know any other syllable for different rhythms for haikus
