Discipline

Sickening
A torment I thought I had lost years ago
I had become content
Happy for once
And I slipped up
What I had created was beauty
In my eyes
I craved the words
Skinny
Thin
You are too thin
Yes please tell me more
I loved the feeling of my bones
I could feel my pelvis laying down
Beautifully sculpted bones
I felt light
Lighter then a feather
Floating around inside of my head despite
the judgment passed from others
Who should love me
But this is the past
I have fallen
Slipped up
Back to the dark side
Sweet sweet poison sipping into my veins
A drug, well not really
Yes really a sweet decaying drug
Overindulgence
The height of it
I am thin I am skinny
It does not matter I will never
become what I used to be
What I hated
But I have
Gaining growing
I hate those words
I want to crush them
The reality of them
The years or torment
Internal mental struggle
Fighting
And losing
With no one but myself
I fear once again
I am insecure
I hate
I am no longer light as a feather
But weighed down physically and mentally
Well maybe I am normal I try to convince myself
They all tell me you look better
Healthier
I do not feel it
I feel sick
Sick to my stomach
Right the The core the root
Why is this happening
I must stop it
Radical ways but failing each time
How was I so disciplined before
Only water passing into my lips
And light light nourishment
Well not nourishment in the sense
nourishment mentally
Physically robbing me
I want it back
I crave the discipline
I CRAVE it
knowing I am in control
That it does not have me
The evil
Disgusting
tormenting
fat.
Mark my words,
I will have it again
Discipline.
MARK
MY
WORDS.