My year in Review, the whole story

I spy the exits along the way
still contemplating my escape
as my wheelchair makes the journey
from the ICU to the Fifth Floor

served three squares a day
on trays which bear my name
which no one is to know
without a code

I share painful details of my life
with imperfect strangers
all part of the game
to say the right things
and win my release

But my freedom does not last
so it's plastic sporks redux
as doctors look for vital signs
to tell them I'm okay

Once again, I am paroled
after good time served
my ride waits as I finally emerge
buzzed through doors which shout
Elopement Risk

Once again, I am betrayed
by intrusive thoughts and ideations
as foretold by McMurphy's Law
fantods feather this cuckoo's nest

Goldenrod gowns and blue bracelets
one of which blares: fall risk
as the nightly line forms
I find my place
awaiting dreams of Ativan and Ambien

There's no percentage in this slow attrition
so I go all in
for the Gold Standard Treatment
absolute nuts for ECT

I don't recall a thing
as anesthesia and paralytics work their magic
it's my toes that tell the tale
as an expectant team
stares at sock-less feet

Two months of remission
60 days of questioned hope
I simply cannot cry
it comes back slowly
but it still comes back