"Let me go I'm fading here"

Yesterday I locked myself inside myself,a place i'm scared to go.
I let all my demons out ,cause i needed to vent.
I'm feeling suicidal and saying FUCK this SHIT.
Last few weeks has been really tough,I'm taking blame for A lot
and yet it still doesn't feel like enough.
People say it takes time sweetie just pray
Do you know I pray over 10 times a day..
I think God turned his back on me and walked away.

I look in the mirror and I cant recognize my own face.
Im yelling @ this person "who are you" silently I keep hearing
I'm the lost pieces of you....
Been drinking the last few days hoping my drunk state of mind will
tell me of my fate,The more I drink the more things I find about myself I continue to hate.
I'm back feeling suicidal and screaming "FUCK THIS SHIT ".
I'm sitting here now with a few choices I just cant figure out which
friend to pick.I thought drowning myself in liquor would be my quick fix.That shyt ain't work it just made me sick.
So today I locked myself in my bathroom with a bottle of pills
ran me a nice bath and was ready to end it.
For w.e reasons God heard me this time cause he sent my sister
to ...Interrupt... It

Pain in my eyes ,fear balled up in my hands i'm not breathing i'm existing and I cant get my chance.