I am so Sorry

I'm not
And I'm never going to be
Yours.

I don't have it in me.
I want to change,
But I can't.

I don't know
How to stop loving him
Like I do.

He hurt me,
And you were there
For me, but

I still want
To always be with him.
You are just

Way too good for me.
I will be the cause
Of your misery.

I know I will.
I've told you that.
I warned you

And you're still here.
Leave. There is
Nothing for you here

But pain. I don't want
To make you bleed
More than I

Already have. I'm sorry.
My heart could
Never

Be yours. If he,
For even a moment,
Asked for me back I

Would be gone.
It's not you. It's
Me.

I can't help but
Wish that every time
You held me

Or laughed at my
Stupid jokes that
It didn't remind me of

Him.
I'm sure it always will.
I'm afraid

That I'm going to
Break you. I want you
To stay as happy as

You always seem to be.
You always
Smile at me even

When I'm staring off
Into space thinking
About someone else. Him.

I feel so guilty
For doing this to
You. I don't

Want to make you cry.
I don't want to make you
Bleed.

I know what that's like,
It's exactly what he
Did to me and

Because of that I
Cannot ever truly
Be yours,

Not when I'm always
Going to be
His.

And I
Am so sorry
For doing this to

You but I just
Don't know how
To let go

Of you. I don't
Want to. I want
To kiss you back and

Mean it. I want to
Smile and be there
For you in the

Unconditional way that
You are there
For me.

I want to
Be yours. I honestly
Do.

But, I can't.
I know I will never
Be capable of

Loving you. I will
Still stop
Breathing whenever I

See him. I will still
Cry over him and
I will

Still
Be his. It won't
Ever change. I will

Never stop loving him.
Never.
And I am so sorry.

When I told you
That I loved you,
I hoped that

One day I would.
That one day I
Could.

I hoped that one
Day I would
Mean it and

That I would get
Over him. But I
Can't.

And, I am
So
Sorry.