deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lunar Lull
I have tied the tides for the moons affection
A shimmering temple of the cosmos
adorns the skyline twenty feet above my head
I am a halo
a desert
a withered body once born electric
parched god comes to me
I am denial (the nile)
A shimmering temple of the cosmos
adorns the skyline twenty feet above my head
I am a halo
a desert
a withered body once born electric
parched god comes to me
I am denial (the nile)
Published 12th Jan 2013
| Edited 20th Jul 2013
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Anonymous
12th Jan 2013 9:46am
Wonderful moon poem, luna speaks!
Much enjoyed your writing!
Much enjoyed your writing!
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Jul 2013 6:58pm
7th Jul 2013 6:55pm
The opening and body of this is richly beautiful.
"Adorns the skyline" would be more rhythmically sound placed in front of the line below it
"A shimmering temple of the cosmos
adorns the skyline twenty feet above my head".
Everything works well except your final line. It feels like you really wanted a strong summation, but the inspiration fizzled out so you just tacked the opener on again.
"Adorns the skyline" would be more rhythmically sound placed in front of the line below it
"A shimmering temple of the cosmos
adorns the skyline twenty feet above my head".
Everything works well except your final line. It feels like you really wanted a strong summation, but the inspiration fizzled out so you just tacked the opener on again.
