all these messes are mine

eulogies are never honest enough
funerals are for the faint of heart
music is just  for missing you
holding my breath isn't working anymore
think i'll start drinking again
i ration my smiles
stockpile my distorted memory
for the days when dreams won't let me sleep
from pure to putrid
from perfect to purposeless
a scholar of self destruction
i'm down to minimal amounts of my medication
every time the phone rings it's never for me
i live alone wtf?
i'm pulling teeth wondering how i got this gone
i guess it was'nt really that far to fall
the mirror only shows a shadow
man i need a sunburn and something else to complain about
is it too early to say maybe school shootings are'nt that bad every time someone mentions honey boo boo?