Forceful Loneliness

My entire world of literature is
built with ugly and cruel words to
myself and my heart.

I was resting on the foundation of
the image of me painted by the world
of cruel, accusing eyes.

The lies kept wrapping around my
throat like a noose.

Isolated, I walked away from those
who told me kind things, knowing that
they had no weight to them.

An ugly girl could never be pretty.

Never could be loved, that was the reality
I was forced to face since childhood.

I kept aging, forced loneliness into my
mind so strongly that I couldn't acknowledge
when others tried to pull me out of it.

So then why?

Why do I mourn my alienation when it is
caused by my own forceful loneliness?...