Trust your instincts; you are moving in the right direction.

I don't like who I am when I'm not confident, when I'm sleepy, when I'm distracted, when I can't stand up straight, when I'm consciously thinking about interacting with someone rather than letting it flow, when I don't have meaningful interactions with those around me.  I don't like it when I feel out of control of myself; when any of a number of things are not under my control.

And this is a problem because there's nobody there to take control of me.  I can let go into the trust that a dominant commands of me.  But there's no one taking control.  And I need it.  I thrive on it, I find religiosity in this sense of trust.  It's not about pain -- that part's not convenient, but for many people it seems that that's a big part of the control thing.  I take control only when it's needed, only when there's nobody else to for the given situation.  Beta.  Alpha's beta.

Trust your instincts; you are moving in the right direction.  This is what the fortune cookie says.  And it's right.  Only recently have I been not trusting my instincts.  I feel lost not trusting my instincts.  I need to relax into it and begin to consciously understand/intuit/trust what feels to me like instincts.

I was so sure of moving in the right direction, and I was.  I'm still certain of it.  Recently, though, I've lost that thought.  Need to remember and continue to remember and remember.  I am beautiful and powerful.  My instincts are good.