deep perception poem

I’m the kid in the back of the class face in a book
I’m the kid that most would never give a second look
I’m that girl… who hates to open her eyes
Cuz people in the world she learned to despise
 
Suicide constantly is considered an option
Then it gets dismissed cuz my love ones are watchin
My man is found surrounded by lust
Heats my insides I’m bout to combust
 
He hates me... At least I can be trusted
Every time he leaves I find myself disgusted
So much evil in this world of ours
My bars leave brain stems on mars
 
I don’t let the people in so they just knock at the door
I ignore them until they don’t knock anymore
Better to be safe then dead and decayed  
Or a girl full of love who ends up getting played
 
My problem is I love and I can’t let go
This little fact has me feeling low
Got a gun in my mouth I can taste the chrome
The lead pain relief will relax my dome
 
I refuse to cut all my incisions are fatal
I must’ve been doomed since my days in the cradle
Maybe one day ill sleep again
Maybe someday ill make some friends
 
Someday… but were living in the moment
If there’s something worthwhile… then own it
 
I stare past myself when I look in the mirror  
Im wearing glasses but still cant see clear
 
 My life goes by full of Foggy visions
All because I’ve made some fucked up decisions