Celebrity Autopsy #1  - The Life And Death Of Ollie Murrs

(DISCLAIMER- If your a fan of novelty  
pop nugget Ollie Murrs  
and devoid of a sense of humor  
please stop reading.  
This is a performance piece  
and is just for fun.  
I do not wish harm  
on Mr Murrs in  
any shape or form)  
 
 
It has been confirmed      
the singer and human doorstop      
Ollie murrs has died.      
     
Murrs best known for hit singles      
"please don't let me go"      
and the comedy cover version classic      
prolapse (you got to stick it to win it)      
died around 3.15 this afternoon      
it is understood that murs      
was indulging in his hobby of bus surfing      
when the incident took place.      
details are sketchy.      
     
Friends, family and fans    
been sending tributes      
here is what some have to say.      
     
murrs parents Mr and Mrs murrs      
described there son  as "who??"      
while friends described murrs as      
"the sort of guy who would beg for sex"      
meanwhile celestial overlord      
Simon cowbell refused to comment      
but was seen muttering the words      
" prepare the cloning tanks,      
this will make us millions"      
while laughing psychotically      
like a bond baddy.      
.      
His next door neighbor had this to say      
" he had a strange looking head,      
kind of like a periscope      
with two eyes and a funny little hat,      
always thought he was simple of something"      
"his head was fantastic,      
you could use it to prop doors open,      
remove the top of a can of beans,      
if you left your handbrake off      
your car rolled down the hill,      
Ollie would the first to stop it with his head,      
he was also very good at human sacrifice"    
   
Murrs became famous after coming second      
in the x-factor in 2010      
murrs is also well known      
for his "time travel experiments"      
in 2013 murrs was the first person from essax      
to travel back in time,      
a true pioneer of sting theory and quantum physics,      
 murrs won the nobal peace prize in 2015      
and various awards and accolades for his music,      
science and masturbating.      
     
details of his death      
are still somewhat sketchy      
witness claim seeing murrs      
stand on top a number 352 bus      
clearly on some sort of narcotics      
witness also claim after the explosion      
that claims murrs life,      
seeing  a sleek metallic figure      
walking away through the wreckage      
figure was some kind of metallic endo-skeloton      
red eyes and a very large gun      
it muttered "IL be back"      
and vanished this figure      
is wanted for questioning      
and police would like to hear      
from anyone who has any information.      
     
Murrs relases his best of album      
tomorrow called "Milking It"      
the best of Ollie murrs    
it collects all 7 of murrs hit      
singles and should make the      
record company millions.      
     
Ollie murrs who died today!      
     
     
     
     
Note - This is not real,      
but is a performance peice      
i don't wish death      
on mr murrs  far from it      
i hope he does go on to live      
a fulfilled life. and invents      
time travel      
this is just written      
for a laugh.