deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Best Lost Secret
The sleepless in the day of restless
In a world order best kept
Locked into a brain dead door
Creation of our mother we are a whore
Rhythm marketing my mind of matters
Whence we kill the creator
My clothes are none but tatters
Flying elegantly through the wind
My heart into a shoebox stabbed and pinned
Sing words of a breathless mind
Yesterday is the today's times
Mahogany wood shadowed by words of trifle
Order and chaos and my late grandfathers rifle
Young chaps with their head up high
The day of the beast is the day that we die
My phone number does not exist in a book
My social insurance number does not create me
My sin, my number that hates me
Vicious cycle out of the blue
My life split in two
In a world order best kept
Locked into a brain dead door
Creation of our mother we are a whore
Rhythm marketing my mind of matters
Whence we kill the creator
My clothes are none but tatters
Flying elegantly through the wind
My heart into a shoebox stabbed and pinned
Sing words of a breathless mind
Yesterday is the today's times
Mahogany wood shadowed by words of trifle
Order and chaos and my late grandfathers rifle
Young chaps with their head up high
The day of the beast is the day that we die
My phone number does not exist in a book
My social insurance number does not create me
My sin, my number that hates me
Vicious cycle out of the blue
My life split in two
Published 13th Jul 2010
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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reading list entries 1
comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Jul 2010 11:14am
hey i really ove this poem.
its very elegant yet so fresh and new.
i feel the same, good to know there are like minded...
we need a revolution lol consumerisic revolution...later dillon.
its very elegant yet so fresh and new.
i feel the same, good to know there are like minded...
we need a revolution lol consumerisic revolution...later dillon.
Anonymous
13th Jul 2010 8:08pm
Sometimes the rhyme scheme works and sometimes it doesn't. Now and then it feels a bit like a rap song, which, at least in my opinion, isn't a good thing. However, when it does work, it works magnificently, and really singes with its lyrical power. I think you should order some of your thoughts a bit more clearly, as I keep tripping over three or so lines, but other than that this is a rageful triumph of revolutionist verse. And the "grandfather's rifle" image was fantastic.
16th Jul 2010 4:15am
thanks and i know exactly what you mean I put this poem is this category because even i didnt know what i was doing with it i just put down the first thing that popped into my head, thanks for the criticism :)
