Rainbows, Lollipops, and FUCK YOU.

[ excerpt 2 ]

In sixth grade, she was becoming more and more merciless and I planned out the homicide, but she moved before I could act on the impulse to do it. I’m grateful for that, I don’t think I would’ve made it with a death on my head and her blood on my hands, no matter how much I hated her and how she made me feel like a dirty mutt who didn’t deserve kindness. Despite her cruelty to me, I forgave her in my heart for the sole reason that her cruelty made me stronger and more independent. Her words still stick in me like knives to this day, ‘fat’,’ugly’,’stupid’,’weirdo’, words that most would brush away, but I cling to them like a life line that will save me one day. At this time in my life, I wanted to be a singer, I wanted so badly to prove somehow that I wasn’t worthless or a waste of space, I wanted to make myself into something other than a writer of poetry and stories. Words on paper that no one cared enough to ever read, vulnerable and brutal words that I never cared to share.